The beginning of something.

I don’t want to say it’s hard anymore. Because we all know that and the people who can’t say it will never be able to say it out loud. Let’s stop living for the inability to say it out loud.



The first part is so brutal it’s funny and that’s why we laugh. Because brutality can only be made tolerable by humor. The degradation of your spirit in between sharing a new joke about how some people are probably being paid to be urinated on and they could come to your house for free. (rimshot)

And it’s all true. Every single bit of it. You should not feel guilty. Do you hear me? Do not ever feel guilty for wanting to run away or take a lover while you have circle shaped milk stains on a 1/2 marathon shirt (and you’ve never even run a 5K). Guilt is useless.

Then there’s the whole idea that you should be more thankful. Like you aren’t already. Like you’ve forgotten to donate a piece of every moment to gratitude. No one ever forgets. How could you forget when you watch and listen to stories about death. You stop. You smell the tops of their heads. And those moments don’t make it any less hard.

But when hard changes to a softer sharp, we forget how to reach out….like there can only be dying and living. There is often purgatory.

Stuck between a rock and a soft place.

Not able to say it’s getting better and not willing to let go of the claw-like grasp of hard. We don’t feel like we deserve easy. What have we done to deserve easy? Especially when we complained so often about the hard.

But we do. You do deserve the calm. And you do deserve the subtle ripples of water on your toes from the same water that once knocked you flat.

It’s ok to say it’s easier….it doesn’t negate the hard.

“Must be nice!”, some will sneer.

And it is. It really is. You can enjoy it. It’s ok.


  1. Why am I crying?

  2. Teri Boehm says:

    Truth. Take that times 10 or 100 for parenting a special needs child. I have a 28 year old toddler, so to speak, and it’s pretty f-ing hard. An understatement! And yes, we could have it worse, but it doesn’t make the tough moments feel any less hard at the time you have to deal with them. It ebbs and flows. And is always hard.

  3. It is so hard all the time with my highly ADHD daughter. But then my child’s teacher said to me today “Thanks for coming back from vacation. Last week was rough, she really needs the stability you provide”, and I think to myself “Self, I guess I don’t suck at this parenting thing as badly as my ex does”. That cheered me up immensely.

  4. As the mom of a terminally ill 9 year old boy (dying of multiple pulmonary diseases) and a happy and healthy 8 yr old boy, you are spot on- parenting is hard. There’s little to no gratitude from others for the work I do (I am caring for him solely at home now), but I know that while exhausting, heartbreaking and at times nervous-breakdown-causing as it is, my little boy won’t be here much longer and I have to cherish every moment. Thank you for these words that gave me a little more strength to carry on.

  5. Melanie says:

    Thank you. <3

  6. “It’s ok to say it’s easier….it doesn’t negate the hard.” We would be so much kinder to each other if we could just accept this. Ellen

  7. This was wonderfully written and so incredibly honest!

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