If at first you don’t succeed, come sit next to me.

There’s a rash of resolution posts and status updates and phone calls and e-mails making the rounds. I think it’s great. All of us willing ourselves to do more and try harder in the name of newness.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but, I do applaud efforts from my sideline barcalounger. I’ll lean forward just enough to hand you a Dixie cup as you, a more motivated person, run by.

It’s not that I don’t care. I do; deeply. I make resolutions every night. Before my eyes close, I resolve to yell less, to read more, to be more sensitive to my children’s needs, to be less judgmental, to be more honest, to be less impatient, to be a better fill in the blank.

I do this to the point of self-shaming. Wanting my vices to roll away, becoming the wheels that lead me to success. Desperately hoping my weaknesses transform into strengths. Expecting rebirth, every morning, caterpillar to butterfly.

I could be a better everything. I could be a better friend. A better lover. A better mother. I could be a more patient daughter. I could approach parenting with more seriousness. I could. I could. I should. I should.

There is no end to the things I could be doing better. My body, my mind, my heart, my soul…frankly, all need some work.

But, honestly, these things are the things I love most about people. We are so wonderfully imperfect. And, even lovelier, most of the time we want to be better than we are. The ultimate redemption of character – we try. Then, we try harder.

So, while I don’t resolve formally, I count myself part of the collective consciousness of humans, licking our wounds just long enough to learn something and grow, more every day. Always learning, evolving and finding ways to accept our inability to attain perfection.

I love that most resolutions drift off, die and are not achieved. I love that, despite this, we show up…every day. We try. We resolve to try. There’s nothing more hopeful than the attempt.





Comments

  1. Well said sister. I love your closing line – “there’s nothing more hopeful than the attempt.” Amen to that.
    Just keep swimming dammit.
    xo

  2. You’re a realist, I like that. And an optimist too.

    I think we’re all going to turn out fine, but there was a time a few years ago when Steve really made some changed that I needed and I want to at least make an effort for him (with the computer time thing). What sealed the deal was when he spent most of the weekend setting up his laptop for work and I really felt like he wasn’t with us, even when he was in the room.

    I don’t know how it’ll go, I’m sure I’ll slip, but I need some kind of regular check-yo’self so I don’t go down the rabbit hole.

  3. Less than an hour ago a friend asked me if I had any goals for the year. My reply was “keep putting one foot in front of the other” and I meant it in a positive way.

  4. That last line is just gorgeous. You are such a brilliant writer!

  5. Scooch over, sister. I’d much rather sit in that Barcalounger with you and pass out the Dixie cups. Maybe we could watch a movie or two while we’re packed into that chair? I’ll bring my Snuggie. And I’ll feel pretty accomplished for 1.) leaving the house and 2.) having a friend like you.

  6. I love, love this post! Your writing is seriously inspiring, lady!

  7. My very favorite part about January is the concentrated and vocal hope from everyone at the same time. It’s like a big team effort for individual goals.
    Barcalounger. That’s a fun word to say. Barcalounger.

  8. Amen Sister! Love this!

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