The de-evolution of the sexual revolution.

Discreet. Fun. Sexy. Explore.

Explore and embrace your own sexual revolution with the help of Adam & Eve.

The sexual revolution began in the 60s. The pinnacle of this was the introduction of the birth control pill. It signaled the woman’s ability to be in charge of her sexual activity in a new way and, more importantly, it ushered in the idea that women could openly enjoy sex, while taking a controlling role in sex not simply being about carrying and birthing children. It was a radical thought, that women, your mothers and their mothers were sexual beings with desires and very real concern about their own sexual welfare.

And, in addition to normalizing the idea that women thought sex was FUN, they now could talk about enjoying it outside of the traditional confines of marriage. Feminism took on the form of sexual expression. It was bold, often brash and, at the time, necessary. This was the vanguard movement away from society’s support of women serving a role akin to male sexual property in an often lopsided understanding of their sexual “expectation”. To be a dutiful wife meant to be dutiful in the bedroom.

It was time to develop and nourish our own sexual identities.

But, I don’t think the idea of nourishing our own sexual identity was having a man stand behind you on stage and thrust his twenty year senior pelvis into your nude underwear simulating anal sex. Or, is it? Debatable. That’s why we’re talking about it.

When we get to the blurred lines (see what I did there?) of freedom of expression, it’s hard to draw a hard and fast line of what is expression and what is de-evolution. And, that’s what I want to talk about. The breakdown of our evolutionary track. The replacing of sexual progress with the more and more obscene and calling it expression. When I think of sexual disparity, I think of women being viewed as objects instead of equals. And, isn’t equality really what sexual freedom is all about.

I know that when I’m watching very young women display their bodies as a carnival ride, I don’t feel the equality. Perhaps it is because I’ve never seen a man on primetime television, meander on stage wearing next to nothing, grab his ankles while a woman pretends to penetrate him from behind. And, that sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Because it is. And, it would never be allowed to happen. But, when a woman does it, it’s sexual revolution. It’s freedom of expression. Wrong. It is self-supported sexual objectification and sister, we’ve worked too hard to let that slide.


  1. HEAR HEAR Sister! I have a friend who suggested the, um, “performance” was a parody (of what? I have no idea). I’m with you. It made my brain hurt, and my heart break, to watch such a talent debase herself in such a way. And anyone who cheered her on was letting her do it. Such a shame. Our mothers did not burn their bras for this type of pathetic, “LOOK AT ME” exhibitionism.

    • I love satire. I love parody! But, even though I laugh uproariously at the “film” Showgirls, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually a comedy. Or, is it?

  2. Mrs Mylen says:


  3. Lets not forget either that she is owned by a male dominated industry. The display was obscene, she’s capable of saying no, but we are all dumb at 20, and most of us in possession of far less fame, power and money.

    • I do account for age. I was a hideously ignorant 20 year old…however, on the public stage, out come the public. Or pubic? Wait, no…public.

  4. I disagree on a couple of points here… First, to assume that was simulating anal sex I think is going a bit too far. Could it not have been doggy-style? And the other part is… Why all the fuss? Why didn’t anyone cry foul over the several times Beyonce pranced around in her underwear? Is it because she looked better doing it? What about Madonna’s many tasteless performances? I am assuming that you are talking about the horrible performance by Miley Cyrus and believe me, I thought it was pretty shameful but I do think the girl has a right to humiliate herself in public without it being called sexist.

    • I think arguing over the type of penetration is semantics and, ultimately, is not the issue if your point is there is no “too far”. I think, in theory, it would be a worthy philosophical endeavor that we all do whatever we want and on an equal playing field. Seriously, I get that. But, I do not begin to imagine the playing fields as equal when it comes to this topic and that was really my point. That the main idea of sexual revolution was to reinvent our sexuality outside of the idea of being sexual property and that is what these “performances” feel like to me. But, again, I’m just a lady sitting on a futon with a beverage and my ideas and I appreciate your take on the matter. Sincerely. Thanks for reading.

      • Barbara Roscoe-Graff says:

        Why all the fuss, indeed? Why is the altar of women’s sexuality being placed on Cyrus’s shoulders? Madonna writhing on stage, simulating masturbation in a wedding dress was WAY more shocking, in my opinion, and that was more than 20 years ago! (Ouch, it actually hurt to type that.) I remember very clearly being uncomfortable to the point of not being able to move while I watched that. But with age and wisdom, I have come to appreciate how she pushed the envelope for women performers. Now, having said that, I do not put Cyrus in the same category as Madonna. They are worlds apart. However, Cyrus’s demonstration of her sexuality was nothing new. I cannot understand all the vitriol. it feels rather misogynistic to me. Sexy women are what the media depict. It’s what audiences want, thus reinforcing the cycle. Cyrus’s performance was weird and ungainly, but come on, was it really so shocking? Most assuredly it was NSFW, but it was NNUTS (nothing new under the sun).

        • I disagree, but, I completely respect your opinion. There was no power in that “performance”. I’ve seen live Burlesque and have been incredibly awed by the women on stage in control of their sexuality. Assertive, powerful and demanding respect. To me, it’s the demonstrating of the respect of your own body that determines whether something is sexy or a train wreck and to me, this was a powerless performance of yet another woman using her body as a sexual grenade/vessel with no statement of respect for herself. That’s my issue. And women’s sexuality is placed on all of our shoulders, we just don’t all have a primetime stage.

          • Exactly! It’s the difference between a stripper and a burlesque *artist.* As Caitlin Moran would say, ‘With burlesque … the power balance rest[s] with the person taking her clothes off.”

            I feel really badly for Miley Cyrus. And her parents. And all of the young girls who have to fear the words ‘whore, slut, and slag’ on a daily basis. If I could round up all of the former child starlets and move them to a foster home on a prairie somewhere, I would.

      • Andrea Miller says:

        I agree Bethany! I like what blogger Matt Walsh wrote called: Dear son, don’t let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you. I love what he wrote. To me both of them could have used a little more integrity.

  5. Here’s what I find interesting about that whole debacle: I read that it was the female who took the reigns in that particular “performance.” As degrading as his video is, what we saw on the VMAs was actually an impromptu attempt to be sexy. And probably cover up the fact she can’t dance.

    That said, is it weird that I’m more blech about her than I am about him? I feel like she put women behind a decade with her incessant thrusting and disgusting “someone PLEASE pay attention to me!” gyrations. And if I were her Mama?! Oh dear LAWD would she be in for a world of hurt.

    • I feel like this brings out a lot of intense feelings which is so interesting. I was surprised by it in myself, even. Here’s the thing, I don’t view him as a victim of her performance. He was a participant. Just as I don’t view her as a predator. I just find it insanely interesting that the things we watch women do, men would never put themselves in those similar situations. I have to wonder when the turn from sexual equality turned into all this.

  6. It’s sad to watch people struggle so hard to prove something that already *is*, if they’d only let it be. We get it, you’re a woman now. Women are free to do what they want with their bodies. That doesn’t mean you need to, or should, do all the possible things, in public.

  7. Plenty of other teeny bopper and child stars have made the transition into adulthood without being overly crass while expressing themselves artistically at the same time. Not sure what Miley’s deal is, but I don’t like it.

  8. A-fucking-men. Preach.

  9. Perfectly said! I’ve seen other performers like Pink or Lady GaGa push the boundaries for women. This did not make me want to sing “I am woman, hear me roar!” It made me cringe and sing, “Is this what we are fighting for? NO!”

  10. I was *thisclose* to standing up and applauding in my own basement.

    There was nothing that Miley owned about that performance. My only trouble is should we be more disappointed in her or in the producers that groomed her to be a commodity instead of allowing her to be an artist.

    Just another reason to go indepentdent and be as true as you can be to your personal expression. That whole performance rang false.

  11. I think the main difference between Lady Gaga/ Pink/Beyonce (and even Madonna) and Cyrus is that while the former may push the boundaries in their performances, they do so artistically and in a way that is empowering to their gender. They send a message in their performances… in a way that Cyrus could never do with that nonsense. I don’t know what that was, but it wasn’t art. I don’t buy that it was self-expression, either. I am boycotting all Disney pre-teen shows for my girls because it seems like this is the new path that every former Disney star now takes in an attempt to reinvent themselves. Although why they feel that need… I think that’s as big a tragedy as that performance.

  12. We are giving Miley way too much credit here. She is not an artist in any way. Excusing her with “oh she’s 20 and who knows what we all would have done under the circumstances” is bullshit.. An artist uses her craft to take risks and push boundaries. An artist would know how to skillfully hide what she lacks in talent. And I’m sorry, it doesn’t take a PhD in cultural studies to know that engaging with an enormous African-American woman’s ass is WRONG on so many levels. That is not art. I hope Miley grows smarter as she ages, but talent-free and dumb as a post is as talent-free and dumb as a post does. But what do we expect – everything is about money. She makes enormous cash for the industry. She makes us pay attention. However, she lost, she still won the American Media game. The only way to stop the Mileys and the Lindsays and the Beibers, etc. is to ignore them all together. Which will never happen.

    • Completely agree. The type of raunchy, classless performance given by Cyrus and that pervert Robin Thicke (thank goodness he’s destined to be a one-hit wonder) is the last resort of the talentless. Case in point, you would never see somebody like Adele stoop to this level, because she doesn’t need to. People will listen and pay attention because her talent speaks for itself. I for one will jump on your bandwagon and ignore the shit out of these idiots, and hope that my kids have the good sense to do the same.

  13. Aren’t we forgetting she’s a 20 year old girl? I mean, how many of us experimented with being sexy? Am I the only one who saw her lack of grace? She was clumsy, her movements not fluid. I did not always make the best sexy decisions when I was trying to be sexy. I wanted classy and ended up with trampy more often than not. Unfortunately for her, HER experimentation gets public view. Add to that the “push the envelope” assholes that surround her and only see dollar signs, she definitely did not get the benefit of good advice on this.

    I think it is unfair to use Cyrus as an example of womanhood. She’s barely coming into it and it’s not like she has the knowledge to enable her see how these things in the bigger picture. WE see it, but we are all 25-40 year old women with years of experience behind us. I really think we need to stop trying define women as we see it. We make some kind of ideal of what a proper woman should be, but if we can BE anything we want, then we should be permitted to be bad, trampy, stupid, because that’s women, too. It’s men. Bad decisions are not gender oriented. If we women can BE anything, then others may not approve of what we choose to be, but we should respect others’ choices instead of demeaning their right to make that choice with “but surely you don’t want THAT”. Right now, that may be exactly what a woman wants. We have the right to make bad decisions. It’s human.

    Her performance was…embarrassing…but not on a gender level..for her. With her lack of fluidity, her inability to commit to it, she looked like a puppet. She wasn’t even owning herself as a human being, let alone a woman. I feel bad for her. But it’s not new, it’s not different, she pushed no envelopes. She just looked like a 20 year old girl in a cringe worthy situation and no one decent enough to at least offer her some honest criticism.

    • Thanks for chiming in and articulating your point so well. On a lot of levels, I agree with you. I understand the many nuances of youthful mistakes/missteps and, I do think that her “advisors” have some very real responsibility here; however (you knew there was going to be one), I’m not so much talking about the mistakes we makes when still clumsy in our femininity. I am talking about the the broader idea that we expect this type of behavior – this lack of sexual assertiveness in a real, compelling way from women. We say, “Hey, do your thing! And, be who you want!” and, hell yes, we should. But with that comes a responsibility of being more than the sexual vessel on the stage to be poked and prodded while all the while being oblivious. The sake of sexual pandemonium under the guise of bad decisions is, granted, her right. But, then it is also the right for me and you and hell, everyone, to respond to that. I’m just not comfortable embracing this as part of our human movement and, I think (not the honest truth, just MY honest truth), that when we see this kind of flailing on the literal stage and human stage, we can ask the question if we think it’s a movement that is doing us any favors. I think no one benefitted from that. Least of all, her.

      • *nods* I see what you’re saying. I agree with you in just about every way, except responsibility and maybe that’s a deeper question. Does our existence obligate us as a representative of something? DO we really have that responsibility? I mean, I agree with you but I hesitate to call it “responsibility”. Maybe that’s the bigger problem that I’m having here.

        Maybe that’s what I’m struggling with. The part of me that wants to take her to the side and say “you can be more” and the part of me that says “you should be what YOU want to be, even if I don’t approve, because you deserve to make that choice”, know what I mean? You’re not wrong in what you’re saying and it all makes complete sense, but there’s a part of me that is saying “but I’m me, not someone’s example” at the same time. I think that’s my struggle in the whole thing. Perhaps in trying to understand where both sides are coming from, I’m personalizing it too much and it’s keeping me from seeing things clearly.

  14. Oh my, I so totally agree with what you say in this blog post, and you say it so well. Having grown into my womanhood in the late 60s and early 70s, I took my feminism seriously. I loved the idea of women being treated ‘equal.’ I loved the idea that woman could be sexual beings without being a wife or mother (although I married at age 22!). I did not change my name when I married. I raised my daughter to be ‘herself’ and to be whatever she wanted to be, gender not important. Then I began to work at a high school 12 years ago (tutoring/teaching children needing extra help) and was shocked at how girls presented themselves – as sexual beings ONLY THERE for the boys, not for themselves in any way. It was disheartening. Oral sex became rampant in middle schools and high schools – all about what the GIRLS could give the BOYS. It’s just not pretty. And the Miley circus illustrates exactly what I’m talking about. WHAT HAPPENED?

  15. Yes, this. Aside from the fact that her performance made me totally afraid of the world our daughters are growing up in, more than anything it made me embarrassed for her and the fact that she decided her talent was not enough, that she had to exploit herself to be noticed. It’s sad, very sad that girls are growing up to not value themselves enough to let their talent or brains or ability to do a backflip speak for itself.

    I know there is a huge difference in the two but this whole issue makes me think of the ridiculously short-shorts that girls are wearing right now. Why must half of your butt hang out of your shorts? I just want to walk up to them, tell them they are pretty and smart and interesting enough and give them a pair of yoga pants.

    • Jessica, on the short shorts..I used to wear those back in my less round days and I can’t speak for every girl out there definitely (I know a good many of them just think it’s sexy) but I can tell you why I did it. It wasn’t to be sexy, because I didn’t think they were sexy. It was to tick off every older woman who looked down on me for the way I dressed, the fact that I was a young single mom, the tattoo on my back shoulder. I WANTED them to see that, I WANTED them to underestimate me. I WANTED them to have that judgement so that when they had to interact with me (and they did, it was a small town) I could blow their judgmental butts right out of the water. I wanted to teach them a lesson. My short shorts don’t define who I am, my single motherhood, my tattoo. They used those things to decide I was a stupid redneck tramp. Imagine their surprise when that stupid redneck tramp turned out to smarter, better educated, and more financially stable. I was honest, and hard working and charitable. I wanted to rub their noses in their ignorance until they had 3rd degree ignorance burns on the tip of their snotty little noses. Wasn’t the most mature thing in the world, no. But I was young and that was the way I handled it.

      To this day, I still feel the same way, I just don’t let body parts hang out to get my point across. We judge people far too much on stupid things. We use that to decide if they are worth knowing or not. But that’s not the important part of them. I think many of our problems can be solved by going around blind all the time. Not seeing color, clothing, hair, etc. We would be forced to KNOW people and judge them by their behavior instead of how they look.

  16. The even sadder part of this is the vidoe and the VMA performance was put together by a woman. So we are now casting ourselves in thsi role.

  17. Well done! Great post! And your responses to coments were equally good at making your point.
    This comment you made above, really sums it up. ” That the main idea of sexual revolution was to reinvent our sexuality outside of the idea of being sexual property and that is what these “performances” feel like to me”.

  18. Shannon Hall says:

    There’s a difference between being classy and being trashy. Guess which one she achieved. I’m sad for her, her family and the millions of girls who look up to what agents and media have made her into.

  19. Well said! And that goes for this comment thread too.


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