I’m Oprah. “YOU get a book! AND YOU get a book! EVERYONE GETS A BOOK!”

I’ve been writing since I was a child. In between my multiple readings of The Boxcar Children, I wrote my own erstwhile adventures about unconventional, inventive children who ran away from dark times and sought adventure. Those stories morphed into the pre-teen angst filled Sweet Valley High-esque tales of social blunder, puberty and unrequited love. Then, unrequited love took a turn into abominable poetry. I’ve never loved any non-human thing more than words on paper. I’m still head over heels, still all in with this life-long love affair with writing.

It was no secret to my closest friends and family that I long dreamed of being published. For the second time, this dream has come true. At midnight does my coach turn into a pumpkin? Will my Fairy Wordmother show up with her wand? Back off bitch, I’m keeping the glass slippers. And my books.

In celebration of this momentous occasion and in appreciation for the opportunity and in gratitude to you and you and yes, YOU, for being a huge, supportive part of my writing journey, I’m giving away 15 books. Mmm-hmmm. That’s right, y’all! FIFTEEN books. Just tell me why you want a book or that my hair smells nice. Just leave a comment and you’re entered to win what is already sweeping the Amazon best-seller charts. Like that song you can’t get out of your head (Blurred Lines, you know you want it! You know you want it!). You do want this.

So, thank you. And, leave a comment, won’t you?

Hooray for books! (Can’t wait to pull a winning ticket? Click on that handy “Buy My Book” widget-ma-gidget on the top right and get you some!)

Thank God for girlfriends and shared visits to powder rooms! That’s always been the concept behind our website InThePowderRoom.com where we’ve entertained women with our humor and bold, brave honesty since 2009. Now we’ve created an anthology of 39 original short stories from the wittiest women writers we know—stories they would only tell their closest friends, most likely from within the haven of a ladies’ room.

“You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” is a hilarious collection of true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart.

But be forewarned: we’re holding nothing back. We’re revealing our funniest deep dark secrets—because it’s through our most vulnerable and honest moments that we forge the strongest connections and discover we aren’t so alone after all.

Read more about my fabulous, talented co-authors HERE: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/blog/itpr-lipstick-authors/

( Boring yet necessary GIVEAWAY MAGIC details: I will be giving away 15 signed copies. Each winner will receive a paperback copy of “You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth” (oooooooohs and aaaaaaahs), signed by me (mehhhhhhhh). All you have to do is comment. That’s right, just leave a comment and you are entered. I will draw the 15 winners a week from this upcoming Monday which is sure to make that Monday slightly less shitty. Also acceptable as a comment: BPM, PLEASE do not ruin this delightful book with your signature.)

 





Comments

  1. I can haz Befany book?

  2. Liz Dunivan says:

    I read a sample of the book and I LOVED it! Want more! 😀
    Oh, and, I, too, had an obsession with The Boxcar Children as a kid 🙂

  3. You are an awesome, rockin lady! Can’t wait to read it!

  4. Allyson Wendt says:

    Dude, if I don’t win a copy, I’m buying one anyway. Because I love you THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS much.

  5. I’m going to leave a comma instead: ,

    Seriously, best wishes on the launch of this book — congratulations!! Can’t wait to read it (even if I have to buy it)!

  6. Julia Dube says:

    ^^^what Allyson said.

  7. Bethany Ranquist says:

    What Allyson said!! I am squealing with excitement for you! I already casually drop your name at every chance I get and brag that you’re my friend. I love that I will someday be able to say “I knew her when…” 😉

  8. 15 books! You’re making it rain!!! I don’t need a signed copy. I’ll have you sign my own when I come stay at your house again. We’re doing that, right?

  9. Maura Donnelly says:

    Do I really need to explain WHY I want a copy of this book? I mean, isn’t it obvious?! 😉 Of course, even if I don’t win one I’m still going to buy one because your hair really does smell nice.

  10. Shawn Umansky says:

    Would love a copy of your book. 🙂

  11. I also loved the boxcar children…and your writing!

  12. Jenna Charpentier says:

    Your hair smells nice! 😉 I WILL send wine as a Thank You!!

  13. AprilDawn B says:

    You have oatmeal in your hair, but it smells nice 😉

  14. Me! Pick me! You know I’m reviewing it on my blog so that my tens of readers will buy it!

  15. I love the way you do what you do so well hell it’s a spell you make me want to ShoopShoopShoop. And then write.

    CONGRATULATIONS on the second best-seller, lady!!! xo

    P.S. I already got a copy, so you don’t have to enter me in the giveaway contest. Although having your signature would come in handy when you’re hugely famous and I can be all, “I HAVE HER NAME IN INK!” 😉

  16. Cassandra says:

    I will bathe and bed your children while you watch trash tv and drink wine.

    PS: Your hair smells awesome.

    PPS: In order for me to do the above, I will need a passport, airfare, etc. I think it’s a fair trade, non?

  17. Ashley Cohran says:

    Your hair smells marvelous!!!

  18. Melissa Burbank says:

    pick me, pick me, pick me! 😀 this mama wants a copy 🙂 desperately…..

  19. Shannon Hall says:

    I will not lie to you and tell you your hair smells nice because we all know full well you have’t even bathed in days. However, I do want a book and as one of your very first facebook stalks I deserve one! HA! Anyway, if you don’t give me one I’ll be FORCED to buy one! XOXOXOX

    P.S.
    Congrats!

  20. I think you are awesome!!! I would love to have this book…..:-)

  21. With a tween and 2 under 2, it might take a while to read it, but I can’t wait! All of you ladies are so funny. And, I know your hair smells spectacular and your legs and pits are clean shaven too!

  22. O. o. O. Pick me Pick me. I would have to imagine that your hair smells marvelous dahlin!! Seriously tho, I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!!

  23. Well, it’s not a new car, but it’s still pretty bad ass! Yes, please!

  24. I am trying to decide whether telling you that you misspelled “Boring” in those necessary details will ruin my chances, but I just can’t help myself! I promise, if I win, not to share the book with any of my friends, but to tell them they just HAVE to buy it because it is SO GOOD!

    • I think it actually increases your chances. All writers need a good editor. Although, I will miss the “boing” details which made it sound like a lady boner. Do you still want the book even though I just wrote lady boner?

      • Yes, now I NEED the book. Just because you wrote “lady boner.” That kind of creative writing is begging to be read.

  25. I would like a book because… I haven’t read one all the way through in about ten years. So it would be very nice to break that streak with something enjoyable rather than trying to finish slogging through American Prometheus. Please and thank you 🙂

  26. I hope, I hope, I hope!!!!

  27. Candace G says:

    Me me me! I so want this book.

  28. Bring it, Baby! I want lipstick on my teeth and a lady boner! (That sounds so gross. Do I get an extra entry for quoting you?)

  29. I want one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Melissa Garrity says:

    Looks great! If you give me a copy I’ll suggest it for our next book club 🙂

    • Are you propositioning me for free shit because let me tell you something about ME. That will totally work.

  31. lizb1979 says:

    I would love it. New fan here, but very much a fan!

  32. me! me! I want a book!!!

  33. Pretty please!!! I could really use the laugh!

  34. Trish Wallace says:

    Fingers and toes
    Crossed!!!!

  35. Rebecca Montanez says:

    I could use a laugh or two… Oh, and your hair smells nice 🙂

  36. I believe I deserve a copy because I am currently in my old ass subaru, driving from Vermont to Maryland, with two kids and two dogs. Halfway up a mountain our car started smoking and one of my dogs anal glands released. So yeah, I would love a distraction. Thanks for your consideration.

  37. Jennifer Arnold says:

    I want one!

  38. I already bought the book but it would be awesome if I could win an extra for my sister!

  39. You’re the hottest b*tch in this place.

    Now that song will be in my head for the entire weekend.

    And your book sounds awesome!

  40. Beth Humphus says:

    I would loooove to have one!!

  41. Ellie Randolph says:

    I want one pretty please?? I can read it in the hour time frame I get when the babies are sleeping or I can sleep… Not sure which yet it’ll be a toss up!

  42. lisa marie says:

    Yay for Oprah!!!!!

  43. Dana Tucker says:

    ME mememememememe PICK ME!!

  44. You had me at “Boxcar Children”

  45. (my comment here, it’s very clever and witty. This comment wins me the book.) I would like to thank the Academy.

  46. Pick me! I’m expecting my 2nd child and will be in need of entertainment to make me laugh while nurse my little one in the middle of the night!

  47. Me, please! Hoping we can enter from overseas…. 🙂

  48. Michele Futrell says:

    I would love a copy of your witty humor to entertain me for hours. 😉

  49. Nicole Sneed says:

    I can’t wait to read it! Reading is really my only hobby anymore, after becoming a mother 2-1/2 years ago. Most of what I read these days is related to parenting and/or toddlers, and not all of it is very funny. But THIS would give me something fresh and funny to enjoy! Plus, it would be a FANTASTIC wedding gift for my upcoming nuptials in 10 or so weeks! 🙂

  50. I have just recently found your website and have been enjoying it a lot. Please consider me for your book giveaway , as I love your writing and need some new reading material.

  51. Loni Tynn says:

    Way to Go!!! I’m sure your hair smells great and your breath is as fresh as a daisy or maybe strawberries!!! You and all the “gals” @ In The Powder Room make me simile, laugh, cry, pee, breathe a sigh of relief and always let me know I’m not alone in this crazy, funny, embarrassing journey of motherhood/womanhood!!!! A big huge THANK YOU!!! Even if I don’t “win” I’ll still read 😉

  52. Lendy Caudill says:

    I don’t have a website. I have never wrote a blog. But I have 3 kids and a dog and a few cats. I need a book. A good book. A lock myself in my room book.

  53. i need a good book to rest my coffee or beer. might as well be yours 🙂

  54. Lisa Connors says:

    I would love a copy of your book! You’re hysterical!

  55. Sunny Riehl says:

    I’m sorry I don’t follow directions the first time. I’m really no different than my toddler…. Crap. Pretty please with a cherry on top 🙂

  56. Lynette Rachelle says:

    Yes, please. I crossed it all. Can’t really walk now but it’ll be worth it when I have your book in my hands!! 😉

  57. amanda berube says:

    I want a copy so bad!!!

  58. Kristin Hermelbracht says:

    I just discovered this site moments ago when a friend liked it on FB. I could list the cliche “loved Box Car Children (true), hair smells awesome (no idea) blah blah blah. Instead, I will share a comment I made to my husband a few weeks ago about my mothering skilss to our 2 girls, ages 6 & 3: I think I’m an awesome mom to one of our kids at a time but mediocre at best with both of them together. I have plenty of bad parenting moments and would like to enjoy reading others’ similar adventures. Good luck!

  59. Meredith A says:

    I want a book!! And did I mentioned how gorgeous you look?!? Haha!! I really do mean it though

  60. Amber Loomis says:

    I love your posts, they make my day. I’ve shot coffee out of my nose laughing at your blog posts. Can’t wait to read the book!
    Fingers, toes, knees, and cross your heart bra, check!

  61. Sharon Cherepski says:

    Yes please!

  62. Sweet! I would love this book 🙂 My tiny people go to school next week (my baby to kindergarten – BOOYAH!). I need something fabulous to read whilst eating my bonbons.

  63. I wants it! It’s my precious…. (said while wringing my hands and bugging my eyes out.)

  64. I am a huge fan of “Bad Parenting Moments” and would love to read more writers with that same sense of humor about the realities of life! And knowing that this book was written by women, real women, that live real live makes this book even more appealing!! Hope I win!!

  65. Crossing my eyes!!!

  66. I would so love a book. Your fb statuses in my newsfeed make my days. I’d love to be able to read your book whenever I can lock my bedroom door fast enough & pretend to be asleep…

    Oh, & your hair smells like a wonderful bottle of red.

    I’m crossing everything over here to be one of the lucky ones chosen for the book. Woot! 🙂

  67. I’m about to be in the hospital having a baby! I need something awesome to read!!! Pick Me.

  68. “YES!!!” ***screams it like the woman in the Herbal Essence Fruit Fusion commerical

  69. Jenn Meschinelli says:

    Hey!! I can help with that lipstick on your teeth by swapping your book for some Mary Kay lipstick!!!

  70. Melinda G says:

    You’re hilarious! I’d love to have a chance to read more!

  71. Mary Squires says:

    Please pick me! You make me laugh so hard I had soup come out of my nose!

  72. Me! I want to win a book!

  73. Pick me! Pick me!

  74. I want one! Please? 🙂

  75. I want a book!!!

  76. Mommy blogs/books keep me sane – therefore I need one. Please send ASAP! 😉

  77. Nikki Vollrath says:

    I need more of this book!

  78. Love following you on Facebook, love reading your blog posts, a book would be a trifecta. Pick me, pick me!

  79. Oooooh what IS that amazing smell? Oh your hair? Yep sure is!!
    Have you been dieting too? You look like you’ve started to lose too much weight, your arse is minuscule.

    Oh ps-I’d love a book 🙂 just because I love books xx

  80. I’d love a copy of your book!

  81. You so deserve to be published we are all lu8cky to have you..well done! Cheers!

  82. Brianne Austin says:

    I want, no NEED your book so I can have a good excuse to ignore my toddler. Oh, and your hair does not smell nice, it smells fantastic. Do you wash your hair with rainbows?

    I’ll be thinking of you the next time I eat cheesecake, which should be in about 30 minutes. Cheers!

  83. pick me! pick me! pretty please….?

  84. I hope i win!! You Make me laugh All The way to Australia!
    Sometimes I am the only one who laughs reading your posts out Loud.
    Awkward! For them! I am latina And i get You!

  85. Ooh, ooh, pick me!!

  86. Grace Bacchi says:

    I want it because I haven’t read a book that made me laugh out like in like. . . 6 years. It was Jenny McCarthy’s book about her pregnancy. I was pregnant, give me a break. . .

  87. Grace Bacchi says:

    Oh. . . and I promise to send you a bottle of wine if you pick me 🙂 Red or White?

  88. PLEASE pick me… I need the validation for my inner thoughts!

  89. carrie hush says:

    Your super sized love of the written word and your humor shine in all that you write!! You have a wonderful way of showing the rest of us that it’s ok to be ‘unperfect’ (a Carrie-ism) in life, love and parenting.
    Thank you for that!!

  90. What an amazing group of women in one book! Can’t wait to get my hands on a copy!

  91. I would just love to read a book that isn’t telling what a shitty job I’m doing in regards to parenting. I have a feeling this book will fit the bill…and also make me laugh my ass off. And not be offended if I spill wine on it…or turn the page whilst I have chocolate on my fingers, thereby leaving a little chocolate crime scene on each page….and won’t care that I accidentally try to swipe to the next page EVERY MOTHER-LOVING TIME because I’m so used to reading on my iPhone and haven’t even touched a real book since before my kid was born. Unless you count “bared to you.” Which I don’t.
    I’ve gone down a very dark path here.
    I need that book.

  92. Also If I don’t win, I will accuse you of favoritism, misogyny, and a whole bunch of other adjectives all of which I will have only a very tenuous grasp of the proper meaning of. Plus I never win stuff. Unless you count the
    “Guess who’s poop is in the toilet” game.
    I’ve gone down a very dark path here.
    I need that book.

  93. Cait Coulson says:

    I’m excited about this one! May actually endeavour to read it in a place other than my bed or on the can.

  94. I LOVE to read. And I LOVE to laugh. So this is guaranteed to make me happy! 🙂

  95. This book looks awesome. I would LOVE a copy.

  96. I NEED this book to add to my collection of autographed books, which I plan on using to someday make a suit from the covers. (Counting my copy of Pee Alone? I currently have a whole 2 books!) (It rubs the book preserver on its cover and puts it back on the shelf!)

  97. My three-year-old has lipstick on her teeth. Because she ate my lipstick. Does that count as solidarity?

  98. Jennifer Shelton says:

    My mom ALWAYS has lipstick on her teeth! I’d like to win a copy so I can share a good book & laughs with mymom.

  99. Ryan Richeal says:

    I always love to read about women how are going thru the same funny stuff that i am!

  100. HOT DAMN! I practically sprained my finger getting to the bottom of this comment thread. You have the BEST READERS!!! They are going to LOVE your essay because it is SO YOU and so heartfelt. Truly honored to have your words in this book. You are the bombdiggity, girl.

  101. Ooooooh, I would read the crap outta this book!

  102. Rosanna Spearrin says:

    someday I hope to join the likes of you with a fantastically written sarcastic satire but until then I’ll settle for reading & taking mental notes of witty catch phrases I can use at social gathers (pretending all the while they’re mine & completely original of course!) lol! I never win anything but holy god this would be my crowning jewel if I was one of the lucky fifteen! come on Oprah! pick this funny country girl!

  103. Yay! Congrats on the book! It looks hilarious, and I’d love to read it 🙂

  104. Congrats! So many comments! You have a following and you’re legit. For good reason too. Girl can write.

  105. I would love to read your book! Hope I win a copy!

  106. Oh wow! What a great giveaway! Would definitely love to win this!

  107. Autgraphed copies are the best kind 🙂

  108. Pick me!! Pick me!! I can’t wait to read it even if I have to buy it!

  109. I love free books :). Congrats!

  110. You had me at my kids a turd….no wait I said tha…t b
    ut regardless this book has too many of the ladies I stalk on fb and pinterest….

  111. Jennifer Wyatt says:

    I recently bought I just want to pee alone and laughed so hard that I would love to read another book just like it. Oh and your hair smells nice. Haha

  112. Me! Me! Me! I need something to keep me sane during the never-ending loop of Dora, Calliou, and Spongebob in my house. Plus I need another reason to avoid all the things I should be doing like cleaning.

  113. Stop stealing my gas!

  114. Awesome!

  115. Wow, look at you! Is that outfit new? Did you do your hair differently today? OMG those SHOES! And have you been eating more apples lately, because you look SO thin?!

    I’ve never seen anyone look that good in a robe and slippers with their hair in a bun 😉

    Pick me!

  116. I not only want this book, I neeeeeed it. I am poor and pitiful and (re)starting college next week along with working and a ADHD daughter. Also, I can’t afford to buy books so I get a LOT from the library. BUT, since I live in the middle of the Bible Belt (and our library system is crappy anyway) they won’t carry this. OH! And, your hair smells exceptionally nice today. Is that a new leave-in conditioner? 🙂

    XOXO

  117. Book, booky, book, book, book. I love books!

  118. Kelsy Reid says:

    I’m a first time momma (she just turned 1) and more than anything, I need this book!

  119. Barbara Roscoe-Graff says:

    I have lipstick on my teeth? How did that get there? I haven’t worn lipstick in YEARS. I can’t wear lipstick. If I did then my kids would have lipstick kisses all over their faces all of the time because I can’t stop kissing them.
    Oh, wait. I’m thinking of my Grams and MY face.
    I’m not kissing those sticky, dirty faces!
    Lipstick, here I come!

  120. Pick me !!! Pick me!!! Crossin’ my fingers! You choose ME!! =]

    All of ya’ll are such an inspiration and I would be super excited to receive a book.

  121. Slauditory says:

    I love funny ladies who write, which means I love me some Powder Room!

  122. I don’t have time for lipstick. I hope your book has magical re-feminizing powers. 🙂

  123. Been needing a few laughs… could use a copy. And your hair smells nice. 🙂

  124. GAH! That’s alot of comments!
    As you know, I already have the book in my little hands, but I NEEEEEEED one signed by you!!! This is a real life legitimate need, yo. It must happen…it would be the only logical solution to me having ALL my other books signed and your signature being the only missing one. I ain’t to proud to beg!
    I can not smell but your hair is very shiney. 🙂 <3 Devan

  125. I love to read, love your blog and would love to read this book!

  126. Yay!! so excited!! You rock!!

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