I have been seriously considering bringing a third party into my home for months. Someone young, with no sense of their real, monetary value who would be 70% Maria Von Trapp, 25% Soleil Moon Frye and 5% Roseanne. Someone who would be all the things I desperately want to be to my children; a playmate, a puppet maker, an executor of Playmobil pirates and an outside of the lines colorer of papers and ideas. I dream of this as I lay trapped underneath 27 pounds of unfolded laundry and the 99 cent sausage that must be cooked tonight or, we will all die of food poisoning.
Recently, I had an epiphany. My husband may call it a psychotic break, but, why argue semantics.
On a loop of kitchen to laundry room to grocery store to kitchen more endless than the spinning ballerina atop a jewelry box, I was losing steam and my mind.
What I needed was respite. A few hours a week to knock out some of the more mundane and more pressing creative tasks in order to be a mother I could be proud of or, more realistically, tolerate. A few hours a week. It seems so simple. It seems so logical. It seems like an idea planted in so much common sense. It was also rife with guilt. If I admit I need help, I have failed. Being at one with my daily failures, I decided I could live with this.
So began the search. Finding a young person that embodies the qualities you are looking for is akin to a search for the Holy Grail. They must be fun, but, not so fun that you are rendered functionally useless. They must be kind and generous, but, not so kind and generous that your children walk all over them. They must be funny, but, not so funny that your children don’t roll their eyes at their jokes. They must be patient, but, not so patient that you appear more and more like a prison warden by comparison. They must be able to craft and sing songs, but, not teach 3-part-harmony because, seriously, give me a fucking break. Lastly, they must be inexpensive. This is key.
I’m happy to say I have found her. She is, dare I say, perfect. To illustrate:
Text received from her mother today: Grace wanted to check and see if she made up some bunny ears/coloring crafts if she could do that with the kids. She knows not everyone does the whole Easter Bunny gig and she didn’t want to offend.
RIGHT? Right. Perfect.
And then, there was her resume. She sent me a full resume with wit and experience bounding off the screen. Like that love song on a radio that just happens to play during your first real make-out session. This was fate.
Grace, mistakenly under the impression that anyone reads my blog, has given me permission to post her resume in the hopes that she secures more work. May I just say, BACK OFF. I FOUND HER FIRST.
Enjoy the resume of my unicorn. My four-leaf clover. My shooting star. My Mother’s Helper. I did NOT embellish or add. This is her resume. Yes, she has a merit badge in ironing. Who doesn’t? *Raises hand* Me. I don’t.
Grace (Like Cher or Madonna, she is now a one-name celebrity.)
Kindergarten at Christian heritage school
First grade to Present 8th grade Home-school
2004 to Present
Grace is been an active member in the girls group called “Keepers of the Faith”. It includes extensive skills for practical living, and creative handiwork. Grace holds the honor of being awarded the most merit badges as well as perfect attendance several years. She also worked as an assistant with the younger groups last year. Listed below are just some of the merit badges that Grace has been awarded.
Baking, etiquette, storytelling, hospitality, ironing, photography, scrap booking, grandparents (dying to know how one merit badges in Grandparents), art, sewing, child care, hygiene, first aid, cleaning, knitting, cake decorating, sign language.
2011 to Present
Grace is actively working at her church as a teacher’s assistant in the 2 to 5 -year-old classroom.
She also has great computer skills as she runs the projection system for the church worship weekly.
March 16 – 2011
Grace completed the requirements for the American Red Cross Babysitting training And First aid.
June through August of 2012
Childcare Assistant five days a week from 11 AM to 4 PM.
Grace worked as an assistant in her grandmother’s registered state childcare for their summer camps program. She assisted mostly with the preschoolers and infants. Her responsibilities included supervising toddlers on the playground and kiddie pool. She also helped serve lunch to a group of 10 – 14 children of various ages from infant to age 11.
Personal interests and information
Music particularly One Direction and Taylor Swift
Fashion design she hopes to become a personal stylist one day Like Rachael Zoe
Rabbits. She owns a two-year-old Holland lop named Annabelle. She has proven herself responsible with caring for Annabelle’s everyday needs.
Writing and acting out stories.
Grace’s personality is shy at first but opens up when she warms up and feels comfortable. Works best when she’s told directly what to do and having a detailed list but also can improvise if need be.
Grace enjoys making up new games, acting out stories, dressing up in costumes and dance parties. She has a wonderful imagination – crafts crafts crafts! Give Grace cardboard a roll of duct tape and sharpies. You will be her new best friend.
Grace is left home often to supervise her two younger brothers. She always does a stellar job. By stellar I mean the house is not burned down and no one is dead.
Why I want this job
1. I really need a job
2. I enjoy spending time with children. I find them hilarious.
3. I have nothing to do and no life, I’m hoping this job will give me something to do and little money to buy a life.
Thank you for this opportunity I look forward to speaking with you soon. I hope this will be the start of a beautiful friendship. And by friendship I mean, you being the boss of me.
writer’s post-script: Are you following me on Bloglovin? It’s easy to do. Make me happy. You know you want to. xo, BPM