I had a BOOK BABY! (and other exciting news)

Although last week at home doled out a remarkably similar pie chart of parental duties as it does every other week, my writing and online life, where I hope you imagine that my hair and teeth are always brushed, was full of milestones, announcements and excitement.

As many of you may have already heard and heard and then, heard again (the internet has been abuzz), I am a proud contributor in a new humor anthology about Motherhood penned by some of the funniest humor writers and bloggers on the internet. Barely released, I Just Want to Pee Alone, has already reached #1 on the Amazon Humor Hot New Releases. I am honored to be included in this list of hilarious writers. # 1 makes me want to say baby, so, NUMBER ONE, BABY!

My brilliant, witty and talented cohorts have big personalities, big stories and a BIG funny bone. To know them is to love them. I dare you not to love them.

I Just Want to Pee Alone is some of this:
Source: quozio.com via Susan on Pinterest

AND SOME OF THIS:

AND SOME OF THIS:

So, go and get you some of THIS (Just click on the book with the toilet on the cover located under my author bio. I think you’ll agree that last sentence was an intriguing prompt.):www.amazon.com/author/bethanythies
GIVEAWAY MAGIC: I will be giving away 10 signed copies of this wild romp through Motherhood. TEN. 1-0! Each winner will receive a beautiful copy of I Just Want to Pee Alone (oooooooohs and aaaaaaahs), signed by me (mehhhhhhhh) with an original, hand-crafted proposal to be my sister-wife inscribed inside (You’ve suddenly gained interest again, haven’t you? Haven’t you?). All you have to do is comment. That’s right, just leave a comment about your ring size or whether you want me to kneel when I propose or whether you plan on having the book back-lit on your dresser and BOOM!, you are entered. I will draw the 10 winners a week from this Monday which is sure to make next Monday slightly less shitty.

 

Also acceptable as a comment: BPM, PLEASE do not ruin this delightful book with your signature.

 

NEXT, As you can see, I have some new digs. While I make myself at home and unpack the Spam and lava lamps, please make yourself at home. I haven’t finished hanging family photos, but, I think you’ll agree, this new site is the most, to say the least. A huge thank you to A Kay Web Designfor taking all of my nonsense/annoying, vague run-on-sentences and turning it into all this (arms up, spins around – Sound of Music style).

 

AND, I’ve officially been blogging for one year. I still have no idea what I’m doing. In a sea of talented writers, I’m another pen in the well. I hope I’ve made you laugh. I hope I’ve made you think. I hope I’ve made you happy you’re here. I am so thankful to every reader. I’m so grateful to each individual who takes the time to read, comment and share this journey of words with me. One year ago, I had no idea what I was jumping into. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. I’m writing my way through it. I hope you’ll stick around. I love you. I mean it. The greatest gift you have given me is your time. I will do my best to never waste it, mistreat it or take it for granted.

 

Thank you for your support. Thank you for a year of memories. Thank you for staying on the crazy train. Thank you, thank you, thank YOU.

 

So, did we cover it all? Birthed a bestselling book baby, new home and our one-year anniversary. What’s next? Well, to quote the beloved Willy Wonka, “There’s no earthly way of knowing, which direction we are going.”

 

Hang on. Let’s enjoy the ride.




Comments

  1. Allyson Wendt says:

    Love love LOVE the new digs! And, um, I’d like a book please. You can join the commune I’m planning on building with my friend Mama T.

  2. My ring size is 5 and please propose to me on the megatron at a sporting event! It’s so romantic that way! Haha your page is my absolute favorite! You always crack me up!

    • Megatron? Check. Size 5 ring? Check. Lifetime of happiness? Checkity check check.

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  3. Love the new site! What a great way to celebrate your blog’s first birthday. And congrats on the book success, I’m so happy and honored to be a part of that whole train to crazy, too.

  4. Ok, first, CONGRATS on the book!! WOOHOO!!!
    Second, Happy Blogiversary! I can’t believe all you’ve achieved in a year! I’ve been pushing along for 6 months and feel like I’ve gone nowhere, so huge congrats on that, too!
    And third, I like my proposals via text message. At least, that’s how my hubs proposed and we’ll be married 7 yrs in July.. so it must’ve worked!

  5. Congratulations on all of the things! (You don’t need to enter me in the drawing. Just send me a post-it with your sister-wife proposal. I’ve got my own box of books right here.)

    • Little do you know I already married us in a quiet barn ceremony. It was really beautiful and you enjoyed yourself.

  6. Haha! First! I get to be the first to accept your proposal. I could totally use another wife around the house. Just think: we can BOTH watch the kids destroy the house and laugh when our husband comes home asking where his dinner is.
    “Where is it? Why it will appear as soon as you cook it for us, dear husband!”
    Failing that (laws prohibiting and such) I would love a copy of the book. At least then I’ll have a good excuse when nothing around the house gets done. BONUS: I can use it as a distraction! I can then say “Oh honey, I’m sorry there is still five pounds of flour covering the surface of everything in the kitchen… Look! A book! Read it!!!” as I sneak out the door to get pizza for dinner.
    A brilliant plan! I will simply need to have a copy of the book to pull it off, thank you. 😀

    • I want to give you an extra entry because I love this comment so much. That seems fair, right?

      • Of course it’s fair! I am going to be your sister-wife after all! I forgot to mention that my ring size is 6, but I would prefer some very flashy sandals. Can we elope so that the children won’t find us?

  7. Shannon Lea Hall says:

    I wear a size 7.5 and want a REALLY big diamond. 😉

  8. Let’s run away and get hitched. I want you to be the mother of my children. Because you’d do a much better job than I do!
    Oh, alright, if that doesn’t do it for ya then I want you to run away with me to an island of thong-clad hotties serving umbrella drinks. There will be hammocks everywhere – I mean everywhere – and we’ll drink as much as we’ll giggle…both of which will be pretty much nonstop. Better?
    Wait a minute… Who’s proposing to who?!?

  9. Hooray for you! Love the new look…and the new book!

  10. I would display my copy proudly front and center on my bookcase (don’t worry…it’s right beside the tv, so people would actually see it). Can’t wait to read it! 🙂

    • I think this is good planning. At night, the TV will cast a luxurious glow on our words encased in rich mahogany.

  11. Pick me, pick me, pick me! I don’t care how you proposed. . . as long as it’s not in public!!

    • I’m going to find the most public place I can and then have it televised internationally because that is just how I love.

  12. WooHooooo! Back atcha!! I didn’t realize you were a new kid like me! Congrats on your one year! Congrats on the book! Congrats on the FuN new design! And I’m totally joining you on the “arms up spinning” – and wondering when it will stop!

  13. I didn’t think there was any way I could possibly love you more, and yet…! Congrats again wonderful lady! You deserve this so much! Can’t wait for the book!
    Please inscribe:
    If I will never pee alone, you’re the only one I want to do it with again.

  14. Congrats, my friend. I’m honored to be on this journey with you – your words and your friendship are truly treasures. You deserve all the good things, so enjoy your success!

  15. Also, BOOBIES! Sorry, I just couldn’t stand it that my first comment on your new site was all serious and mushy. 😉

  16. It doesn’t matter how you ask, the answer will be yes. I’ve got a bottle on wine chilling and Marvin Gaye queued up and ready to go. 🙂

  17. Heather Mazzeo says:

    I am so looking forward to reading this hilarious book from you fabulous ladies! Thank God for your & the other ladies blogs – they help keep me sane in this beautiful madness of motherhood. 🙂

    • Thank you! That was so sweet that my snark was rendered useless. Thank you for the lovely compliment and support.

  18. Sarah Ashkar says:

    Can I just say? You are amazing!? A year of blogging and already a bestseller? The best Studio Ten13 photo shoot ever (my own son’s included!)? Now….taking on sister-wives? As someone who jokes (on the daily) about friends being sister wives, I love you for saying this! Also, my ring size is 7ish (platinum, no diamonds), don’t kneel, I like wine, dark & stormies and chocolate.

    • No joke, I’ve just become obsessed with the Dark & Stormy. Mind you, I’ve never had one, but, I watch cocktail recipes on the All Recipe channel because I have a full and rich social life. *giggles*
      In the breakdown of our sister-wife duties, you can be the cocktail shaker.

  19. I can’t wait to read this ! Congratulations.

  20. Congrats on one year of sharing the funny!! I enjoy the blog so very much, and can’t wait to read the book. I wear ring size 6 😀

    • Size 6…on it! Thanks for being here.

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  21. To know YOU is to love YOU!
    Thank you for this and here is a big, fat CONGRATULATIONS, funny one!

  22. I’ll be your sister wife if we vow not to have any more kids. My contribution to keeping the male population a flourish in my zip code has been fulfilled. Congrats on one year!!! Mine was 6 weeks ago! The similarities between us are getting downright freaky. So proud to be in this book with you!

  23. I love you. Please don’t sign my book, because you’ve already signed my heart. Which, is impressive because I didn’t know you were a cardio-thoracic surgeon.

  24. Congrats on the book and one year and the new digs. Looks awesome. So happy to be in a book with you!!!

  25. Happy anniversary!
    Congratulations on your first (of many) book!
    Love the new digs!
    Move to New Jersey!

  26. This book look hilarious – hope it was less painful to birth than a human 😉

  27. Oooh, congratulations!!!

  28. Mozel tov, Bethany! How fitting that in these months of your children’s birthdays you have now birthed a book as well!
    So proud of you. So envious. Keep up the wonderful, hilarious and touching work!
    xoxoxox
    -b

  29. I’m really excited about this book! Finally “fun” reading I can actually relate to.
    My ring size is wine, and I love drunk proposals (just ask my husband).

  30. Anastasia Joy says:

    Congrats on your new book! I can’t wait to read it 🙂 And the new site looks wonderful! I’m not very picky when it comes to proposals, my hubby proposed outside of a Wal-mart so the bar isn’t set too high! Haha!

    • Anastasia, THAT is a proposal story I would love to hear. You can tell me all about it when we braid each other’s hair before bed. Ok, sister-wife?

  31. Woot woot!

  32. I need this book! Congratulations!!!

  33. Ouch… Papercuts much? I would LOVE a copy! Congrats!

    • They gave me a wine epidural so there was minimal damage.

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  34. Alison Porter says:

    Book please-hold the proposal but a ring on the side would be great!!

  35. Julie (VT-Mama) says:

    Run away together, why this is all…so sudden. But I accept sound too desperate? Well I’m not! I don’t want a diamond. I already have one I’ll be pawning. Matching tattoo rings will make our bond unbreakable! Just ask Tommy Lee! Oh I’m so excited.. I think I just piddled a little. Teehee!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  36. Cassandra says:

    I’m poor so pick me to win. I could use the boost. Plus, the proposal would totally solve my loneliness issues. I’ve always imagined my fiance kneeling. Princess cut is my favorite, and white gold please. Oh, and for celebrating I have an unopened bottle of wine on my counter I could be persuaded to save for the occasion. For you, anything.

  37. Stephanie says:

    Congrats on the new digs! And I confess you made me snarf my coffee with the “invitation to be a sister-wife” comment. Is it wrong that I might accept? A mommy-friend and I have a running joke (sort of a joke; kind of not) that we actually do need sister wives. I mean, coming home from work to a home cooked meal? Kids already bathed? Someone else to manage the, um, “husband duties”? Tempting thought!

  38. Katherine Stewart says:

    Looks great! I can’t wait to read it:)

  39. I’d love a book! Don’t have the money to buy a copy at the moment. My ring size is 7 and I would love, Love, LOVE it if you proposed to me with some sort of Doctor Who reference.

  40. Amy Emery says:

    Reading is my greatest pleasure (and my only alone time from the kiddos!) I would be absolutely elated to receive one of your books! I need a few laughs right now!

  41. I’m so excited! Sometimes I honestly wonder what I would have done to survive the last year without Bad Parenting Moments. You really have created a tremendous resource for parents, a place to vent, and laugh and cry together. And especially laugh. “You mean I’m normal? You mean these feelings are normal?!!!” Thank you for everything, and I can’t wait to get my hands on your book! I’m sure it’ll be a riot, and full of the witticisms and insight that you bring to all your writing. Love, Monica.

  42. Already 1/2 way through the Kindle version, and I love it! I’m just here for an autograph and a proposal…does NuvaRing come in different sizes? 😉

  43. Congrats, Bethany! I can’t believe I know a Mommy Blog Super Star. I mean f’reals, nobody can predict where this parenting gig leads! But your humor always shines through — whether in Happyland or Hell. Keep on telling it like it is gfriend, just like Jesus would have wanted you to!

  44. P.S. I have no freakin’ idea of what my ring size is anymore — I’ve gained and shrunk so many times, size is meaningless — even for my digits!

  45. Congrats on a year! And thanks for the reminders that my personal chaos isn’t the only chaos happening at any particular moment. And for helping me to laugh about it. I want to choose the new book for our mommy book club – my fellow readers could use some humor.

  46. I just found your blog… And it is great. Would love a book when you go to give them out! And a proposal inside it would make it much better.

    • Well, if you’re new, then I must tell you – the best two blog posts on earth reside here…go read now.
      1. How to control your children
      2. Hello? Is it keys you’re looking for?
      In not particular order. Then just go read them all! 🙂

  47. Kelly’s Breakroom referred me to your page as she mentioned you were having an awesome giveaway! It’s nice to find your blog and thank you for the opportunity to win a copy of the most buzz worthy book on the net. 😀

  48. I just found your blog via Pinterest and have laughed waaaay too much! Would love to win a copy of this book! Thanks for the chance. :o)

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  49. Hi, I just came across your site (mamapedia post) & I’m already hooked. You had me cracking up over your eating out adventures, right away. I am a mother of an son with Asperger’s (& other health concerns), so I often feel similarly to the situations you described, though I have but 1 (yes, feel free to recount

  50. Congratulations on your book! It sounds hilarious!

  51. Not sure how I didn’t stumble on this blog sooner…. Woke up my husband with my cackling this morning and looking forward to many more laughs. Thanks for sharing!

  52. I would love to win a copy! This is a must read in my book!!!! Just need to find some time away from my kids to read. Lol.

  53. I want to win!!! I have twin 4 year old boys…that makes for many Bad Parenting Moments!

  54. Hopefully, I can get pee AND read alone. Two birds one stone!

  55. Pee alone? What a concept!

  56. Love your stuff! Love you!

  57. Wow well done you! I’ve only been blogging for a couple of months. Couldn’t imagine being quite as successful after just a year! Would love to win a copy of your book <3

  58. Please please please let me be a winner! I need to have a signed copy so I can read it while I’m peeing alone!!!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  59. Me me me!! I’d like the book so I can read it while peeing while being interrupted by the spawn…irony!!

  60. I desperately want a sister wife. My husband’s pretty hot, don’t worry; wait, would you be moving in with me, or would I be coming to you… shared weekends? Now I’m starting to have an anxiety attack… Maybe just a book then. Thanks for keeping the laughs coming!

  61. Bouchra Yates says:

    One copy this way, I’ll be reading it either way but would be nice to get a signed copy from the most inspiring mother that finds humor in it all.

  62. I am so excited for this book! Even if i dont win a copy, its already in my amazon shopping cart!

  63. BOOK!

  64. Your posts are the best parts of my time spent online. The laughter you have brought me has kept me off of meds (with the exception of a nice glass or 2 or… of wine, but we won’t count that as meds anyway). It’s amazing how you’re uncanny at reading my thoughts and presenting everything in a hysterical manner (as opposed to a running away from all little people while screaming for “serenity now” manner). Congrats to you! I’m looking forward to reading this book & your future publications. This may just inspire me to finally put a lock on the bathroom door so I can read uninterrupted. 🙂

  65. I think the better question is, what kind of ring would YOU like because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. I will get this book regardless………and I’ll read it while I’m peeing…….with an audience!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  66. Would love a copy!

  67. Rachael H. says:

    my ring size is a 7, I cook, clean and do windows…. I would love a sister wife! The wine is fully stocked due to my 20% off card at Whole Foods! I got the good stuff, Babe! lol
    . Can’t wait to read the book, as I’m addicted to you’re blog!

  68. Teresa Z says:

    Me, me,MEEEE!!! Wait, I’m not 3….yes, um, I’d love to win a copy of your book. But I also promise to be happy for others that win 🙂 love it!

  69. KittyCasanova says:

    I look forward to reading the book!!! Thank you for all laughs, with many more to come.

  70. Love your stuff! Would love a copy of the book!

  71. Sara Gulledge says:

    This is too funny! I look forward to reading what you say on FB on a daily basis! There needs to be more peeps in the world with your personality. Love it!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  72. Haha, I love your stuff! Hoping to win that awesome book!

  73. Congratulations! Would love a copy! This book and a bottle of wine sound like a heavenly night to me. Ring size 5!

  74. Only a year, really? Congratulations! Love the new digs. So if we’re sister-wives, does this mean we can trade off peering alone and sleeping?

  75. Brianna Lessin says:

    I’m so in for this sister wifery!! Ring size 7, and if it’s not too much trouble, my perfect proposal will happen in Hawaii, on the top of a mountain, and then we have a picnic while we wait for the helicopter to pick us up and take us down to the beach where we make it official right away; because what’s the point in delaying the awesomeness anyway? And since we are already in Hawaii, without children, honeymoon time for a week of relaxing. Of course that’s still impossible because the kids will want to call and tell us all about whatever the hell they are doing at grandmas house.
    Oh well! Since this is a far off fantasy, I’ll accept the free book with your lovely signature as a second acceptable proposal. 🙂

  76. Very cool! I would love a copy of your book 🙂

  77. Can’t wait to read!

  78. Aly Lindsay says:

    I really hope I win!!! Thanks for the chance!!! 🙂

  79. Jessi Dotson says:

    I would like an extravagant proposal. My husband tossed my ring at me. And we eloped. So I’m bitter and desperate for romance!

  80. Autumn Marie says:

    Great blog, hope to win the book!

  81. “I just want to pee alone” will be the international mom bible, I’ll tell you. It needs to be translated into every possible language. Please sign the book AND gimme one on freezer paper so I can take it to the tattoo parlor. No need to get married, my butt is yours.

  82. Angela P says:

    I’m gonna be honest, I’m super duper excited about this book. I just hope the Book Fairy will leave a copy under my pillow, so I won’t need to dip into my wine budget. Just saying. Wine.

  83. Jordan Byers says:

    i’m dying to get my hands on this book!!!!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  84. Your blog makes being a working mom much less sucky. People at work think I’m insane because of the hysterical paroxysms of laughter issuing from my office… Congrats on the book and new digs!

  85. You were the first mommy blog i ran across on facebook and even though i follow many more mommy pages now….you are stillmy favorite!! I hope i have the extra money soon cuz i am dying to read this book!

  86. Maria Patrick says:

    My ring size is a whopping 9 1/2 !!! I would love this book 🙂

  87. Cannot wait to read the book! Sounds hilarious!

  88. Emily Gross says:

    So excited to read this book!

  89. I love the blog…..can’t wait to read the book!

  90. Judy Mitchell says:

    Congrats on the book! I bought and loved the kindle version. Would love a copy for my bookcase!

  91. Nikki Park says:

    Can’t wait to read the book!

  92. Ha ha! You can kneel for me! 🙂

  93. I really want this book!!! Excited it is in Epub version so I can buy it for my nook (just in case I don’t win!).

  94. I just got some under kitchen cabinet lighting installed. The book would look *awesome* swathed in its warm glow!

    Congrats!

    • WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! I will e-mail you with all of the Winner’s Circle details. Sorry, no van, balloons or giant, fake checks. Congratulations on winning the BEST book EVER. xo, BPM

  95. Maura Donnelly says:

    Congrats, Bethany!!!! I’m so excited for you!

  96. I LOVE the new site! Congratulations on all of your success – every bit of which you deserve many times over!

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