It is a well known and documented fact that I love my wine. It is also a well known fact that I am crazy. Sometimes, those two facts blend together and a brain baby is born. A beautiful, bouncy nugget of wine splashed insanity that I show off at dinner parties and during my visits to the therapist. Just kidding, I can’t afford a therapist.

Generally, my crazy is well contained in my home. A gift I give to my family over and over and over and over. And over again. To know me is to love me, some say. When they say that, however, they are talking about someone else.

So, what happens when I birth my brain babies? Well, I find it’s crucial to surround myself with a tribe of hilarious doulas to make the birthing experience a joyous one. It’s helpful to have support because, as with any birthing process, there is very little sleep and plenty of second guessing your ability to actually deliver. After the birth, there is ample joy and celebratory drinking as we embrace the miracle of creating life. Even if, in this case, it was a birth that more closely resembles the rise of Frankenstein. That’s Doctor Frankenstein to you.

So, please grab your beverage of choice and enjoy this first brain baby of 2013; an advertisement for the newest and most sensational parenting product to EVER hit the marketplace.

Feeling overtired? Underappreciated? Overworked? Don’t fret. Help is on the way!

Wine-Not? GUARANTEED to ease your troubles.

Love and thanks to my fantastic doulas who helped bring Wine-Not? to life. With friends like this, it’s best to invest in Poise Pads. (in order of appearance)

Ninja Mom
Suburban Snapshots
Hollow Tree Ventures
Toulouse and Tonic
Motherhood, WTF
Let Me Start By Saying

And, a huge thank you to my husband, “Mr. BPM”. When I told him it was my dream to create a fake infomercial (an infauxmercial, if you will), he not only wielded the camera, piano, and co-edited, but, also agreed to remain married to me.ย 


  1. Oh – it is so fabulous and hysterical! Where can I order a case of Wine-Not?

    (Love your doulas!)

  2. Love it! Hysterical and oh so true!

  3. Crying with laughter! This is AWESOME.

  4. Holy crap, that was funny. I need to see the words to your jingle and disclaimer. It went so fast, I know I missed some gems in there. Great job, that was a lot of work!

  5. Thanks for letting me make my infauxmercial debut!
    Now where’s my free Wine-Not??

  6. It just gets funnier and funnier the more I watch it! It was a pleasure and an honor playing a role in coaxing this beauty from your brain’s birth canal.

    • Thank you! I hope your children don’t ask you for ANY sandwiches today. You are amazing. Thanks for being a part of this.

    • Not only was it awesome, but it was cool to HEAR your voice, Robyn…since I’m your stalker and all (I just haven’t been doing a very good job of it now that we live only 5 hours apart. Or something.)

      Wait. Was that weird?

    • LOL, Robyn, your bit was my favorite! I LOL’d! This whole thing is genius!

    • Hi! **waves** Sorry to hijack your comment section BPM, but it’s so much fun to see somma my homies over here! And Cat, I have a disease that prevents me from using my real voice when I’m being recorded. I can’t help it, I think it has to do with being a terrible actress or something. Those were my Fake Housewife and Fake Princess voices, repectively. The last video I posted back before Christmas, when I was drunk, it a lot closer to what I really sound like. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. You have birthed a genius! I keep watching it over and over again just to catch all the clever and hysterical stuff in the credits!

  8. My God… you almost made me shoot coffee out of my nose. This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. And all of the bloggers who participated? My heroes.

    • Thank you! It’s great to read a response like this because after spending the time editing, putting it together, writing, etc. you just don’t know if it’s funny. Hearing that it is makes my day. Ok, week. OK, my year. Thanks for watching, Lisa!

  9. Congratulations! You birthed a beautiful creature! Thank you for including my shenanigans and for laboring over this!
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  10. this is too funny. I could have used this when my kids were little. We had Friday Afternoon Happy Hour, which we still do today. Great video.

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  12. Too freaking funny!!!! Thanks for the Monday morning laugh!!!!

    (had to delete my last comment because my kid was pulling my arm and caused a typo. WINE-NOT, please!!!!)

  13. This was perfect! You ladies and MR. BPM) rock–how are you all possibly this witty and funny and still human? Laughing so hard I don’t even know if I need Wine-Not to make this Monday seem bearable.

    • Oh, thank you so much Meredith for the comment and the amazing compliment. It was so much fun making this. To hear that you enjoyed it so much makes the behind the scenes work totally worth it! xo

  14. I would like to order 27 cases of Wine-Not. Make that a standing order for 27 cases EVERY month. I’d HATE to run out!!

  15. Well, it’s not the prettiest baby I’ve ever seen, but it has lots of personality.

    I kid! Thanks for letting me play. Really? The whole thing could have just been you and that deliciously clever jingle/disclaimer.

    But, to be clear, this isn’t an exercise video about me? I’m still a bit confused on that point.

  16. This is so hilarious. I love you guys. That is all.

  17. Thanks for the Monday pickup here and truly love you ladies!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Why do I feel like I’m going to be seeing this stuff on a store shelf near me very soon…

  19. Whoa, mama! I have the perfect pairing for Wine Not. I’m taking a Mom Sabbatical this month (yep, I’m kicking off 2013 with a 30-day “mom freeze” by doing NOTHING for my children). Wine not combine my Mom Sabbatical with your delivery services? Mama might never leave the couch again…

  20. I had to wait ALL DAY to see this since I couldn’t seem to get it on my “devices”. TOTALLY worth the wait! And not only was it super funny, but it was neat to see my fav bloggesses animated.

    Yup, I just put super and neat in the same sentence. Wine-Not?

  21. Man, did I need that laugh today! *reaching for my wine now…*

  22. This is so awesome! Yall are hilarious, going back to watch again! Devan

  23. Great video. I’m thinking you guys need to spin this off into a sitcom. NBC is going to be needing some shows for their Must See TV pretty soon. They need to green light this post haste.


  1. […] (my segment begins at 3:00) because it gave me a chance to write and act out something with friends. I really get a kick out of this sort of thing, plus it allowed peopleย to see me as someone […]

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