Long Live the Terrible Twos

If you ask a toddler who they are, they will say, “I am ME!” Simple and true. There can only be one you and, never are we more aware of this than during the big, self-pimptastic-realization of age 2. When the world is your oyster and that bitch better produce a pearl. This is the prime of our take. When you are 2, there is very little control over your world. You control only your reaction to the decisions being made for you and around you. In order to swallow that pill, you become one.

If you ask an adult who they are, they wax philosophical. Answering with who they want to be more often than who they currently are. At times, we may not even know. We project our desires with less toddler-like stomping and biting, but, with only a quarter of the badass that toddlerhood organically, and abundantly, produces.

There are times I desire that toddler, Foghorn Leghorn puffed chest pride. Every time I see my daughter strut around new terrain, secure in her right to be there, claiming the space as her own, I am awe-struck. So much sense of self trapped in one, tiny body. I imagine that the internal soundtrack in her head is Danger Zone. 24/7 Danger Zone and so much fantastic, she doesn’t need Goose to co-pilot.

There are times when the brazenness of her age embarrasses me. Everything is theirs. That wallet in your hand? THEIRS. The grapes in the produce section. THEIRS. The chalk in your toddler’s hands? Sorry, THEIRS. The cat’s flea collar, your bowl of cereal, the sack of plastic bags in the basement. Right. THEIRS.

Alternatively, in all the well documented take of the toddler age, I see saintly giving. The affection they give to everyone they meet. The trust they extend and their unlimited well of forgiveness. I see those traits more acutely developed in these pint-sized Mother Theresas than in the majority of adult society. So much love to give and everyone is deserving. You only need be in their extended orbit to be a recipient of their time, words, love and attention.

Sure, they could use some polish. The crapping directly in their pants and failure to understand how to use a tissue require finesse, but, when it comes to give and take, good and bad, the light and dark, I have to say, toddlers may have us beat.

Toddler 101: Enter a room and be brazenly YOU.  Make friends with everyone. If anyone steps on your toes, tell them and then, hug it out. Friends may not always agree, but, if we have Goldfish and a few minutes, we’ll remember that having relationships is far better than being right and, we’ll move on. Everyone can play and if we all pool our snacks, there is plenty to go around. If I get hurt, it’s alright to cry. If I need love, I’ll ask for a hug. The world is great. People are kind. If you love the music, dance…no matter where you are. If you hurt someone, say sorry. Share.

Long live the Terrible Twos.


  1. Viva la terrible twos! Or would it be, Carpe the terrible twos? Sadly, most two year olds are better with foriegn languages than I am. In my defense though, I didn’t have Dora. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was just about to run outside, poop my pants, take somebody’s wallet, and then offer them my used tissue in trade. I draw the line at hugging strangers, but I don’t think they’ll mind if I skip it. Being two again is gonna be awesome!

  2. I love your blog!!!! Thank you for being the parent you are and the bravery it takes to post your wonderful stories. I love it and you are awesome!!!! Have a fantastic day

  3. There are a lot of good lessons in there. Excuse me while I go and judge someone.

  4. Ha, social skill game to play for tomorrow- own that shit like you’re two years old. Loved this, simple poignant and damn funny…

  5. Thanks! I needed this as I carp about my adorable, maddening, live- every- moment-to-the-fullest little girl. She s right where she needs to be, and as I constantlry remind myself, someday, in about 12 years or so when she desn’t want to be seen with me, and knows exactly what she is doing when she calls me unspeakable names to my shocked and sad face, I will long, pine, for this crazy age. Great post, lady!

  6. I would trade the “terrible twos” for the “terrorizing threes” I am living through right now. What happened to my cute, sweet, easy-going kid. But, heck ya, I would go back to being 2 or 3 in a second. Nobody cares what you’re wearing, eating, doing. You can pick your nose and the only person who cares is your mom. You can eat your lunch with your fingers, even if it is spaghetti. You get stickers for using the toilet. And you are so freakin’ cute you can charm a lollipop out of anyone. (Especially that nice guy at the pharmacy.)

  7. This was amazing! As I was reading it, I was 2 again. Of course, that’s the way my husband says I always act!!

  8. AWE! I have a two year old little girl! I am going to look at her in this way instead of a “BE GOOD!” kind of way more often. Once again, you are so full of awesome!!!!! Devan

  9. This was very wise, especially for a Monday morning. Is it Monday… I forget.

    Thanks for seeing the good in this crazy life we’re living, it’s so easy to forget the beauty we’re surrounded with.

    So thank you.

  10. Ahhh… Goose. RIP

    P.S. My daughter is two and totally owns it. A little too much if you ask me.

    • My daughter is the same. She likes to remind me of my vow to love her and serve her until the end of time. When I tell her that she added the indentured servitude part, she just laughs and points to her soiled diaper.

  11. Both of my little dudes are in the terrible two phase. And they are ROCKING. IT. I love this new perspective. I may need to remind myself of this every now and again. Because rumor has it 3 is a whole different ball game.

    Long live the bad parents!

  12. “if we have Goldfish and a few minutes…” Best. line. ever…. My daughter recently turned one. I must admit, I’m kind of looking forward to the “terrible twos”. They sound kind of wild (but maybe in a good way)? Am I totally naive?

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  14. I remember loving the two’s. Mine were sweet, animated, loving little creatures. I swear the day they turned 3 a flip switched and they turned into hellish devil children. Nonsensical tantrums and habitual stubbornness took over our lives. I cherished the moments they were asleep and took a deep breath every morning when I heard the doors to their rooms creak open…here we go. You can do this.

    The good news is I made it out alive! Mine are 7 and 11 now. We are all still speaking, and I have never (not even once!) been reported to the authorities. Now we’re creeping into the teen years with my oldest, which I’ve heard will make 3 seem like a trip to Disneyland. Wish me luck.

  15. Oh I hope you never stop blogging! I just love your writing, your wit, your willingness to deal with chaos and take it in stride. I think about you so often during the week. I admire the priority you give to writing and I envy your talent.
    Oh, and have i mentioned lately how much I miss you all?

  16. Loved this spin! Oh how I wish there were blogs when my kids were going through this stage; I would have been able to see the silver lining so much easier.

    And I just love the way this line rolls around in my mind –it just grabbed me — “When the world is your oyster and that bitch better produce a pearl.” Yes!


  17. Love this post! My 23 month old has entered the “terrible twos”. *Gulp.* I seem to have amenesia about my 4 year old going through this stage.
    Love your blog! I am awarding you the Sunshine Award!


  18. I love this!

  19. What a great post! Kids are better than grown-ups in so many ways, and you articulated this fact beautifully. You made me simultaneously miss the wild twos and be thankful my kids are older. I’m excited to be your newest follower!

  20. This is so true! I love it. I have always loved the Terrible Twos for the exact reasons you give. It is would be so wonderful to be as confidant as a two year old. Awesome post!

  21. Slow clap giving way to loud, wild applause and hooting. This is fantastic writing.

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