The First Rule of Fight Club…

My children are at war. 

With me. With each other. With crayons, chairs, pillows that don’t puff properly and cereal bars with tendency to break. With dollhouse furniture, sheets that slide off of mattresses, tiny, plastic doll clothes and door jambs.  With themselves, bedtime routines, the color of their book bags and socks that don’t sit properly on toes. With who climbs up the slide and who drew the best “whale on vacation”. With who is eating the cotton candy versus the dulce de leche dum-dum. With who is sitting in who’s booster and who gets to ride in the grocery cart with the steering wheel with NO horn. With what’s for dinner and who got to the table first. With my decision to turn off TV and vehemently point at the play-structure. With the play-structure they pleaded for and now sometimes leave sitting, unused, for days. With whether or not their sandwich has more honey or less banana or whether I stirred the peanut butter enough. With getting out of the shower or insisting they do not need one. With hair clips and towels that are the wrong color and why can’t we just go to ONE MORE PLACE after we’ve been overextended for hours. With life for being unfair and with summer sandals for being left in wet grass. With rain and dry and too much sun and having the foam sword with the handle that has the most bite marks. With the cats for being underfoot or for running away when they’re wanted. With me for writing. “YOU DON’T NEED TO WRITE!” “WHY ARE YOU WRITING?”. With writing because I love writing and, “I only need to love them.” With days for being too short and nights for being too hot. With not having extra quarters to ride the elephant and so-and-so has gum and their mom says it’s fine. With the baby for being squirmy or for eating their soggy Cheerios. With stickers that do not stay stuck and Happy Meal watches that do not tell time. With ice that melts too fast and yogurt that evades their spoons. With lip gloss and nail polish that is out of reach and healthy snacks within their reach that they do not want. With me. With each other. With themselves. With summer’s end and weariness and my overused and under-cheerful, “Tomorrow will be better!”
*Deep Breath*

Tomorrow will be better.


  1. Get outta my head or maybe you kidnapped my children?

    Love it.

  2. WTH with the broken cereal bars or ANYTHING ELSE REALLY??? You’re going to eat it. Just eat it and it is broken in your mouth. Get over it already! I actually gave up this AM. Putting peanut butter and honey on his bread tore the bread. I just ate it myself and made a new one. I wasn’t going to argue.

    And W H Y do they have to bite the freakin foam sword? Ours never made it home from the store. CHUNKS were bitten out of it! Crazy kids, What?

  3. Everything in this post is spot on – I thought my kids were the only ones who ate foam swords and cried about unsticky stickers. AND WHAT’S WITH THE STUPID SOCK SEAM ON THEIR TOES??? I hate socks.

  4. Slow clap. Curtain closes.

  5. wow! This is awesome! I am sure there are like eight billion more things too, but I could never have come up with this many….thats why I dont have a blog or write at all. I will leave that to you experts. I will just wait, read and laugh….repeat. 🙂

  6. Um.. I think tomorrow will be the same thing. Unless you are sending them all off to boarding school. Love ya BPM!

  7. This sums up “end of summer” to a T!!! Doesn’t matter the age, it’s always the same story!

  8. You articulated exactly why I won’t buy them a play structure – they will decide they hate it as soon as they have it. Kids are amazingly contentious, aren’t they? Love this!

  9. My favorite fight my kids have is that one wants to have a different cup than the other while the other wants to have the same cup as the other. It’s as if they consult ahead of time to decide what will really push our buttons.

  10. Nailed it!!! 🙂

    *I just gave you a Liebster Award. Check out this link:

    And have fun. 🙂

  11. This was so good.

  12. Exactly

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  14. Thank. God. For. School. Starting.

  15. I think you basically encapsulated all the stuff of my life in one post. Thanks for normalizing my insanity a bit 🙂

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