Every parent has “that book”. A delightful, well loved, often well awarded piece of literature that makes you want to claw your eyes out with your pre-schooler’s cafeteria issued spork. We internally cringe and convulse at every bedtime reading, unable to resist the freshly pajamafied chorus of, “Please read us our favorite book!”, so, we read on praying for temporary blindness or our neighbor’s feral cat to strike. Yes, we all have our cringe worthy stories, but, none of us are clever enough to take that hatred to the next level. None of us, that is, except Ninja Mom. With her black belt in snark and dreaminess, she has created a safe space for children’s literature “roasting”. Enter her Character Assassination Carousel. I (with inflated paper anxiety sack) follow in a long line of impressive authors that brought sharp witted mayhem to Story Land. Most recently, the fabulous Middletini gave us even more reason to delight in our hatred of Ruby and her latchkey kid brother Max and now, it’s my turn! If you enjoy this post (no pressure, but, seriously, please love it.), all of Madame Ninja’s guest Character Assassination posts are available for your viewing pleasure here:
I have had my hand permanently raised, ticket in hand, waiting for permission to ride. I am ready, my pretty pony is foaming at the mouth and this carousel is rocking steady. This week, I’m out for blood. The seas will run red with chum. Grab your snack, Goldfish or anything cheese dust based, and join me as I roast, on a spit, with some garlic butter and fresh squeezed lemon, Marcus Pfister’s, The Rainbow Fish.
The Rainbow Fish was a gift from a family member who will, undoubtedly, never speak to us again. A sweet, little story about a lovely fish that overcomes vanity and selfishness and learns that sharing and friendship are life’s most treasured and important gifts. That’s what the (lying) book jacket and (erroneous) reviewers and their (happy pill induced) words TELL us, but, let’s examine this more closely, shall we (adjusts wire rimmed librarian glasses, lights bubble pipe and tightens velour robe tie)? There is only one way to fillet this fish and that is through psychoanalysis. I’ll bring the psycho. You judge the analysis.
|The “Doctor” is (permanently) In(side).|
|Just your average group thievery!|
Finally the Rainbow Fish had only one shining scale left. His most prized possessions had been given away, yet he was very happy. “Come on Rainbow Fish,” they called. “Come and play with us!” “Here I come,” said the Rainbow Fish and happy as a splash, he swam off to join his friends.
Now that the Rainbow Fish had finally given in to their inappropriate demands, he had “friends”. The End
Now, wasn’t that delightful? Sweet dreams, Muffins!