"My Kids Are My Best Friends!"

I have heard tales of parent – child relationships so strong that they refer to each other as best friends. I can only surmise that this works the same way 18th century courting worked. After being told you were betrothed and had no choice but to be together for life, you figured you’d make the best of it, find out each other’s similarities and give it a good old fashioned try. You would drink a lot and fan yourself. In fits of anger, they would throw things at you….mostly breakable things you love. You’d make tea sandwiches. They would eat them, except for the crust.  Back then, divorce was unheard of. And since parenthood is also a life sentence, I think it’s a good idea to take a deep breath and settle in. Fortunately, unlike marriage, you do all the diapering in the beginning and get to the dating and drinking together in the later years. This seems like a fair deal. The sweet after the constantly urinated on in public sour.

In some ways, my kids are my best friends. Mostly because baby and toddler hood are a battlefield that we have all fought on together. This makes us soldiers in the same platoon. We’re bros. No one knows you like your platoon during war-time. We haven’t shared cigarettes or pin-up pictures, but, I have carried them over my shoulder while running from an angry bee and when we have explosions of the diaper variety, I am the medic.  SO yeah, we’re tight.

Best friends have secret languages. I speak all four of my children’s garbled languages fluently. I know that EOGHRTOUERFSOHGT SOTHEOUHTTT!!!! means, “Hey Mom. I want a sandwich.” and I know that ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR means, “Head’s up. I’m tired. You’d better postpone that grocery store trip until after nap time.” Our secret handshakes change daily, but, we have those too. Their current favorite is pull mom’s pants down and laugh which I know means, “The four of us will be ganging up on you for the rest of your life. Get used to it!” I then respond with my secret handshake of tripping over my pants and clenching my teeth in half pain/half anger which means, “I know. I’m ready for you. Next time I’m wearing pants 3 sizes too small! SUCKERS!”

Best friends are often well matched. They may love to read, write or go to theatre. My children and I are well matched as well. We are generally cranky, covered in mud and none of us know how to spell. Similarities. Check.

Best friends fight and then make up. Does this even require an example? No, it doesn’t.

Best friends borrow each other’s clothes.  They wear my underwear on their heads. Close enough.

Best friends tell each other secrets. I know ALL of their secrets. I plan on never telling them…until the truly perfect moment of horrifying embarrassment. That’s what best friends do.

Best friends know that no matter what, they have each other’s backs. Mean chick at Day Camp who refused to do Twin Day with my daughter, Aggressive Troll on the slide that pushed my toddler into a cardboard box and ANYone who breaks their hearts, this (best) Bud’s for you. And, by Bud, I mean my evil, death stare while menacingly peeling an orange.

Ok, I admit it  – we are besties. Now to find a BFF necklace that splits into 5 pieces.





Comments

  1. Awwwww.
    Do you know what bugs me, grown adult brother and sisters that are best friends. Really? Please. My brothers can’t even stand to be in the same room as me.

    • As the oldest of four girls, we vary in relationship status from in love to kicking shins. Basically how it was as kids. Excuse me, I have to go borrow her denim Guess jacket while she’s out.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Love this!

    Also my brother is 18 months older than me were 25&26. And we’re best friends. Have been our entire lives except from 15-18 when I dated his best friend.

    • (Pulls up chair, places chin in cupped hands) – I want to hear ALL about 15 – 18. 😉 Thank you for reading, Elizabeth. I love that you and your bro are best friends. That’s what I want for my little heathens, I mean, wonderful small people.

  3. When you say they wear your underwear on their heads, are you talking about the sexy thong underwear or the granny panty period underwear?

    Thanks for the laugh!!
    Teri
    Snarkfest

    • I’ve HEARD of thongs, Teri. I think I may have a pair that I saved to turn into some sort of slingshot. I exclusively wear the fishnet granny panties given to you in the maternity ward.

    • Sorry to intrude, but I had to tell you I just found a pair of those maternity ward undies folded into a clean towel in the linen closet. With my first kid I haaaaated them. With my second, I didn’t mind them. 7 years later, with my third baby, I cleaned that frickin hospital OUT! Love those ugly things!

    • You had me in tears with that. Pono cheesecloth panties were my favorite and why arent they sold commercially?

    • Right? *Chant with me ladies* WHAT DO WE WANT? FISHNET MATERNITY UNDIES! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? NOW!!!!

  4. I can only hope that my kids stay my best friends forever. Right now they are 4 and 9 and we do everything together. Yes fight and scream but also have late night conversations, share secrets, laugh and have awesome mommy/son dates. I want to find that balance between them respecting me as their mother but also trusting me like their friend. It’s a hard, long tight rope walk but in the end totally worth the battle. As of right now I’m doing a pretty god job. My kids are amazing the majority of the time. They love each other and protect each other and most of the time they love me! I’ve never seen two brothers get along as well as these two but I know it may all change in about 5 years!
    And for the record my sister and I are BFF’s now. We were BFF’s from the time she was born until about ages 12-16 when we use to have fights so bad we would end up on the floor punching each other! But my mom and dad, they were our constant best friends.

  5. My kids and I speak a secret language eerily similar to yours…haha. I’d always hoped I’d achieve that Gilmore Girls type of BFF relationship with my daughter whereas we’re both so cool and often mistaken for sisters. The problem is I own a mirror that doesn’t have the decency to lie about my age…stopped by from #findingthefunny

    • Christie, I am so with you. Call me crazy, but, I have a feeling that my daughters won’t be lining up to borrow my thread-bare, incredibly pilled yoga pants for their hot dates. I also have a strong feeling that several hi-fives will be left hanging. Yours in mom dorkiness, BPM.

  6. I’m still just on the cusp of cool with my kids, but I know it’s fading fast. Sad face.

  7. I assumed that your kids become your best friends because once you have kids you seem to no longer see any of your other friends. Therefore your kids become your only friends and thus, by default, are your best friends. Or maybe this has just been me.

  8. Loved the picture. I hope one day when my kids are grown we will have a strong friendship. Right now they are too annoying.

  9. Sounds like you roll with a pretty awesome crew. Dare you to start an Etsy shop for parents featuring that necklace–you’d make millions 😉

    • They are alright. If you can get past the incessant cryng, fighting and asking for snacks, they are worth a second date. 😉 OH, and now I want to start an Etsy shop. My husband is going to divorce me any day now…

  10. I think this post explains why everyone should have a gaggle of kids – it ups your odds that at least one of them is being tolerable at any given time, and that in their later years there will be a couple of them who can still stand each other. 😉

    • EXACTLY! I figure my odds of having 1 that will care for me in my old age improves with each kid. I mean, not all 4 will abandon me on the steps of a nursing home? Right? I’m starting to think I should re-think the name of my Blog…

  11. Oh this was so funny. Loved the “They wear my underwear on their heads. Close enough.” Loved the betrothal analogy,too. So spot on. Ellen

    (Found you on TGIF Blog Hop)

    • Thank you, Ellen! What a treat to have you stop by! Thank you for reading and for getting my jokes. Every time someone else laughs at my posts, my husband feels slightly better for not laughing. So, thanks for saving my marriage. No pressure.

  12. You know I love you, and I LOVE this post! Thanks for linking up again and for being you!

  13. Some chick says you owe her a martini
    Funny lady, thanks for the laugh! My Grandma and my dad have such an awesome friendship…and yes, she told us kids his embarrressing secrets like when they moved while he was at college and didnt give him the new address – because they were tired of hearing how smart he thought he was….so to prove it he had to find them
    googl Darlasmom. ( i am lazy)and
    Darlasdollars (because the toddler thinks she is a financial guru?!?)

  14. trueyou2 says:

    I honestly do not have any friends, well except for my mother, maybe the few on fb but my life is so busy with school, work, and of course being a single mom. I do talk to my neighbors but my kids are my only friends. I have an 8 and 13, plus a 1 year old. I love spending time with them, cracking up with them and putting my foot down when it matters! I guess life just changes when you age and hae children, you begin to see the world in a different light.

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