Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder, Here I am at Camp Granada.

Summer is underway. Or, underfoot – like gophers, snakes and sewer lines. Summer conjures visions of swimming pools, s’mores and two of the most beautiful words to fall on this mother’s ears: Summer Camp.

Two of my plucky ducks are enrolled in one (glorious) week of summer camp. Coordinated drop-offs at 8:30 a.m. and 9:00 a.m.. Pick-ups at 3:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. – Oh, pardon me, I was just doing the shopping cart and the sprinkler at the same time because, guess what? Two kids. Gone. ALL day. Summer camp isn’t just a fun-filled romp for the kids, it’s a silky smooth slice of sanity saver sprayed with sunscreen and wrapped in maccaroni art.

I was hell bent on sending the two older children to camp this year; even if I had to sell a kidney or my soul. All year, summer camp shone like a guiding beacon of hope and truth with the back lit faces of other mothers insisting on its necessity; guiding me as I pinched my pennies for the “Save Mom’s Sanity Summer Fund”. I pinched. I tucked away. I made some hard cuts. Like balancing a federal budget, I knew some of the luxuries had to go if I was going to make CampForce One fly. Months of drinking crappy store brand burnt beans. A little here. A little there. I turned wine into water and then took the money I normally use to buy wine and put it towards camp. Voila, a summer miracle.

Last night, the anticipation was palpable. One more day until summer camp. ONE MORE DAY! On my top secret countdown chart, I could finally make that last strike-through and pop open the bottle of cheap-ass bubbly. A week of 50% less children. A week of 50% less fighting over apple cores, mismatched socks and who flushed who’s waste down the toilet. A week of running errands without an unload and load procedure mimicking the evacuation of the Titanic. Summer Camp, they are your problem now.

As I settled in for my camp coma, I noticed the giant stacks of paperwork provided by camp administration:

“HI! Welcome to Summer Camp!” Ok, good start. I’m totally hooked. Where is this letter going? Somewhere exciting, I bet.

“We are so looking forward to playing with your children!” I’m glad someone is.

“Here’s a helpful list of what you should bring!” Whatever it is you need, camp…I’m gonna give it to you. I’m gonna give it to you good.

And, that is all it took. A little packing. A little penny pinching. A little hopin’ and wishin’ and dreamin’ and forced sobriety. Today, at 9:00 a.m., I became 50% less likely to be heard screaming, “STOP PUSHING YOUR SISTER’S FACE INTO HER YOGURT!” and 50% less likely to go produce postal in the local supermarket. “Glen, clean up in produce. The corn….the sweet, sweet corn. It’s. It’s everywhere. The horror!”

When I picked them up, they were pink cheeked; eyes half mast. The smell of sunscreen, chlorine, glue, bliss and exhaustion meltdown was in the air. I have made a good decision. But…OHHHHHH….those su-uhhhh-meeerrrrrr CAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAHHHHMPS (tell me more, tell me more-ohhh-ohhh-ore).

Long live Summer Camp. A grateful Mom Nation salutes you.

Camp Crystal Lake made me sign all sorts of crazy waivers. Weird.


  1. This was brilliant. Brilliant. Enjoy mama!!! I can’t tell you how guilty I’m feeling counting the days when hubs takes the boy camping this week. Four whole days of me and the girl. Chillaxing. Ahhh….

    • Thank you, dearest Fruggie! Girl bonding time…nothing to feel guilty about. Can I come and chillax with you? I’ll bring champagne, of course. The good stuff since camp penny pinching is over! Thank you for reading. xo

  2. I was so silly. I thought, “Well, he’s only 4. Who sends their 4 YO to camp?” Turns out, ALL of his buddies have been enrolled in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS WITH NO PLAYDATES!!!!!! We are only half way through. I might not make it.

    Next year, I’m going to see if I can find a place that will take my then 3 YO as well.

    And what IS the deal with the toilet? I don’t really give a rip WHO flushes, as long as it is FLUSHED! But I tell ya, World War Three may just be started over who flushed whose poop. Sigh…

    • You can do it! And, next year, you will be prepared. The camps that take the younger set usually ask you for a highly profitable body part and your next born child. Start saving now. 😉

      And, As The Toilet Turns…I am with you. Thank you for reading, Cat!

  3. Summer camp? Sounds lovely! I wish there was somewhere I could sent my 23 month old for at least half a day. Somewhere that don’t cost a kajillion dollars and hour!

    • It IS lovely. And, just think…as she ages, it will reduce from a kajilllion to a 1/2 kajillion to a 1/4 kajillion and eventually to an 1/8 of a kajillion dollars. 😉 Every day, your summer camps dreams inch closer to reality. Thank you for reading!

  4. I totally just shared this on twitter because it is the effing TRUTH! I only wish mine were old enough for an all day camp. All I get are 1/2 day VBS weeks.

    • Thank you so much for reading and sharing! I have to say, the full day camp is the straight up A+, cherry on top of your sundae business. I can’t wait to hear about your future camp adventures. Thank you for supporting! xo

  5. Sweet, sweet sanity!! Now…back to the wine sunshine! Love it and I am slightly jealous as mine are NOT going to camp.

  6. Robyn Stires says:

    I am the person people send their kids too.. I work at a child care summer camp program for most of the summer then take a week off to run a church youth camp for teenagers… yeah i am bat crazy….. :0)

  7. I worked at a summer camp during college. It was an overnight camp where the kids stayed for 8 weeks. I can’t even imagine, no kids for a whole summer!!!! God, I so wish I was wealthy like that…

    • And, here I thought my week of Day Camp was like a week long stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel. 8 weeks? Overnight? Pinky up! Thank you so much for reading, Madge. If either of us wins the lottery, can we make a camp pact to send each other’s children to camp?

  8. You said it. I wish I could send my kids to camp year-round & forgo all schooling. It’s worth it.

  9. I am so jealous–my kids are too young for camp, so just stewing in jealousy. Hope your week rocked!

  10. That sounds like heaven…pure heaven.

  11. Paige, it was. It all seems like a faraway dream now. Wondering what I can sell and it there is a market for 1/4 bottles of wine and partially eaten dino nuggets. Bidding war on ebay, coming soon.

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