Are You Disney Princess Enough?

Moms. We’re all different. Our look, our parenting styles, our limits, our talents. All unique. Still, despite our differences, we manage to find kindred spirits at parks, school assemblies, dance classes, backyard barbeques and at work. We seek each other out for adult conversation, sanity and for the benefit of our small people. Moms with friends are less likely to scream about wire hangers. Less likely to be found at 1:00 p.m. singing the theme song to Meet The Fairies. In the grocery store aisles. To a cantaloupe. Drunk. We are hard on each other, but, we need each other. Yeah, I said it. I NEED YOU. So please, don’t lower your blinds. Leave the curtains drawn. It’s not stalking. I’m just friendly. Really friendly. Are you going to eat that last banana hanging on your banana tree? It looked lonely when I peered in your kitchen window this morning.

Moving on…

While watching the incessant Brave advertisements on Netflix, I was forced to watch Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora spin in circles, surrounded by children with their morphine drip smiles. And, it struck me. We all have a little Disney Princess in us. Disney Princess, Mom style:

The Belle Mom

She’s beautiful in an unassuming way. Comfortable in her own skin. She isn’t IN Book Club. She started Book Club and you had better read the book. You want to show up, drink and eat Cheetos? NEGATORY. The first rule of Book Club? You read the BOOK or Belle Mom signs you up for the wine and eating Cheetos club. (Note to self – start Drink Wine and Eat Cheetos Club) Belle Mom married a Beast so she is great at giving marital advice. Your husband wants to play poker every Wednesday? She gets you. Sister, she married an animal! She’ll invite you over for venting sessions. Just ignore the claw ripped paintings in her hallways.

The Cinderella Mom

She is nice. So nice you kind of want to punch her, but, you can’t because she’s just so nice. She is an amazing cook and baker. She volunteers for everything. She is the first mom to arrive at every school function and the last to leave. She is ALWAYS on clean-up duty. She has never given her child a pre-packaged snack. All the kids love her. When she volunteers in the pre-school classroom (of course she does), you can find her reading to the children. There is a disturbing amount of bird carnage as thousands of birds have attempted to circle around her but died hitting the classroom windows. She married a Prince so you can’t talk to her about your regular people problems, but, you can stare a hole through him as he drops the kids off at school. Because, He. Is. Hot. You want to be her. You want to kill her. You want to hire her to clean your house.

The Aurora Mom

This bitch is lazy. She sleeps all day. You kind of love her.

The Snow White Mom

You have a hard time listening to the saccharine sweetness of her high pitched voice, but, she lives with 7 men. Cocktail parties at her place could be interesting.

The Ariel Mom

She is funny. Funny ha ha and funny strange. She married young and has some Daddy issues so she has a wicked sense of humor. She is a BLAST at Karaoke. She is always tripping over her own feet. Her clumsiness is endearing. She is a vegetarian. She started the local faction of Greenpeace. NEVER offer her fish. She has amazing boobs even though she breastfed her children until the age of 2. Her husband is handsome, but, he’s boring. You often wonder how they ended up together. So does she.

The Rapunzel Mom

She is shy. She doesn’t get out much. She spent so much of her childhood alone so, she has overcompensated by having 7 kids in 8 years. She is sweet, sensitive and you’re a little unsure you could make it work because you can’t initially get a good read on her. Still, you are hopeful so you go to her house. She is comfortable and barefoot. Always. Barefoot. She paints, cooks, writes and bakes, but, she is quiet about it. Given her childhood, she is an imperfect parent. She sometimes yells. She sometimes drinks. You become fast friends. You discover she makes her own wine. You go into business together and open a winery called, The Tower.

So, which Disney Mom are you?





Comments

  1. Haha…enjoyed this. Hmm, maybe I’m Princess Jasmine because I’m currently hoping a magical genie will come clean my house?

    • Heather says:

      I think most moms are Mulan. We forget about what we “can’t” do and save the nation (house) by making it up as we go along. And while it is nice to have the prince along for the ride and he helps out, we don’t need him to rescue us just support us.

    • If you find a genie to clean your house, PLEASE send him or her over on your magic carpet. (when finished cleaning your palace, of course!) Thank you for reading, Jasmine…I mean, Christie!

  2. This post is hysterical! Can I join the Drink Wine and Eat Cheetos Club?

  3. Awesome! I think I might be one of the lesser known princesses , the one that has to do all of the chores and go out and face the big bad world to protect her family from the wolves (or something). I can’t wait to take my girl to see Brave!

  4. What about Mulan and Jasmine? So far I only fit as Aurora, which is fitting, considering my name.

  5. OMG, I love this! Wish I’d have seen the Ken cake in time for The Hubby’s birthday. It woulda been a done deal! You’re hilarious! I’m giving you The Liebster Award (duh duh duh duuuuhhh!!) Stop by and pick it up when you can.

  6. I’m more of a Mulan mom.
    Kicking ass, taking names

    …and doing a lot of crap that I get in trouble for haha!

  7. Hmmm… I guess I want to be the Ariel mom? I don’t have daddy issues, but I do know the whole song that starts with, “Look at this stuff…isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t it make my collection complete?”

    (Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny a couple of weeks ago! Sorry I am such a loser and just now stopping by to read it!)

  8. This is too cute. I guess since none of the princesses are broke as hell, single, and refer to their ex as The Devil… I’m a mix of Rapunzel, minus all the kids & Ariel, minus the great boobs. 🙂

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