My Body is a (Shirley) Temple (of Doom)!

Some people take great pride in the wonderful care and treatment they provide their life’s vessel. Me, my greatest accomplishment (aside from carrying and birthing 4 children) is eating an entire bag of Reese’s Trees in one sitting (delicious bastards). I would LIKE to say that I practice safe satiating, but, I do not. In fact, look up glutton in the dictionary. That is me (smiling and waving with chocolate all over my teeth). In fact, I should update the definition on Wikipedia to include my several proud gluttonous feats. I have eaten 1/2 a cake in one sitting more times than I’d like to admit. I don’t even know if I can count that high. When it comes to self control, I have zero. If you are a delicious and tasty treat, I will eat you until I’m nauseated and then I will eat a few bites more.

Oh, and don’t worry, I’m not one of those thin people that you want to beat with a 3 foot tall chocolate bunny. I’m lucky. I’m just one of those people who can eat whatever they want and just get really, really overweight. I know, just blessed with lucky genes I guess. I am surrounded by thin moms daily. I assume they work-out. I have no intention of working out. If a murderer was chasing me, I MAY run or, I may just resign myself knowing he’s probably in superior physical shape. “Ok, buddy…you win! Let’s make this quick.”

NOTE: I save all my despicably impressive gluttony for nighttime. If the kids are in bed, you can find me on the couch with some of these favorites: 1) A “family size” bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms. 2) A bag of individually wrapped Reese’s treats in the corresponding holiday shape. After eating entire bag, I like to pretend I didn’t by hiding the 50 empty wrappers underneath a layer of trash in the trashcan. Can’t see them? DIDN’T HAPPEN! 3) Cake. I have a serious, serious problem with cake. Case in point, I ordered a sheet cake for our children’s combined birthday party. At the end of said party, there was over 1/2 a sheet left. I had a dear friend drop cake off at the local Fire Department because I knew it would come home with me and I would eat the remaining portion in 2 days. Giving the cake to the Fire Department ensured that the Fire Department would not be arriving at my house 2 days later while I choked on frosting. A backwards thank you and preventative measure. Genius.

Aside from my Dessert Outbursts (DessertBursts…mmmm, sounds like a delicious dessert!), I am a relatively healthy person. Like with any problem, the first step is admitting you have one! SO, here it goes, My name is Bethany and I have a serious dessert addiction. At my intervention, please bring Reese’s Eggs.


  1. I read this while munching on a candy bar, just to show solidarity.

  2. Trader Joe’s Cookie Spread. You do not understand how good this stuff is.
    The price there is way off, it’s only about $3 at Trader Joe’s stores. GO GET SOME.

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