Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The drunk cooking, the thinly veiled passive aggressive comments from your mother-in-law about the state of your marriage, and all of the knock-down, drag-out street fights on the Food Network about whether to brine your turkey or just smear 15 pounds of butter on your ass and call it a day.
The other tradition in my home is to pull out my hidden pair of maternity jeggings, to match them with an oversized blouse and pretend not to be ashamed of myself while I have, “Ok, just one more teeny-tiny slice of pie.”
Thanksgiving pants. They’re a thing.
Thanksgiving pants made me think about mom jeans and thinking about mom jeans made me happy. Because I’m a kid of the 80s; don’t judge me.
And the only thing that could make me happier than thinking about mom jeans is asking my friends to actually put on their hidden mom jeans and send me pictures.
So, I partnered with my brilliant, comedienne friend Nicole Leigh Shaw to bring the sexy back to mom jeans.
We’re bringing mom jeans back
Them other pants, they don’t know how to act
We think it’s special, where’s your fanny pack?
Please put it on because your waistband’s whack
Without further ado, here’s your slice of Thanksgiving happy with a side of implied camel toe.
Welcome to She Said/She Said, the Mom Jean Edition!
She said: This reminds me of that scene in Blazing SaddleBags. Wait, that’s not a real movie, right? Well, after seeing this, it should be. HAWT. @BPMbadassmama
She said: The 80s called, they want their hair band mixed tape back. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: Talk about a serious case of the dingleberries. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: You’ve got a little something . . . right . . . everywhere. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: It’s a crocheted Christmas vest miracle. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: I had the same turtleneck! When I was 10! @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: The V in the front of these mom jeans is great because I know I always want people to have their eyes directed toward my vagina. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: There’s a fine line between sassy mother and unmedicated mother. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: I think we should just skip to the punchline and call these the Levis 5-0-NationalGeographic. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: When you absolutely, positively, need to keep your saggy belly in check. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: Listen, people get all bent out of shape if you wear maternity pants when you’re not pregnant but, that’s only because they didn’t think of it first. #HatersGonnaHate @BPMbadassmama
She Said: Maybe she’s 4 months pregnant, maybe she had a baby four years ago, only her OB knows for sure. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: This mom is on FIRE. No, I mean seriously…her crotch is on fire. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: Now this is how you toast a muffin top. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: Having my husband help me with this photo shoot is just another form of birth control. Thanks, Mom Jorts! @BPMbadassmama
She Said: Remember ladies: the best accessory for high-waisted cut-offs is a manic expression. @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: You could fit so many bad decisions in the extended crotch length of these pants. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: Jeggings are a mom’s way of saying, “At least they aren’t yoga pants.” @NicoleLeighShaw
She Said: This brings back so many suppressed memories. What therapy couldn’t uncover, this tight-roll did. @BPMbadassmama
She Said: It’s not everyone who can pull of a sweater vest, puffed cap sleeves, a tight roll, and a belted mom jean. Wait, no, that’s not right. I remember now. It’s not ANYONE who can do that. @NicoleLeighShaw